Mental Health – Beyond Possibilities

The crisp November air holds a subtle invitation: to pause, inhale deeply, and turn the gaze inward with a heartfelt “thank you.” I am grateful for those who trust me as their mentor, Essential Oil Coach, and Emotion Code, Body Code, and Belief Code Practitioner. I am thankful to those who follow me on the various platforms and hope you find value in what I share. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

As the golden leaves shift into quiet rest, so too can we shift from doing to being grateful. For many years I’ve taken this month to share one daily gratitude post on social media—and this year I’m inviting you to join me. Let’s explore why this matters: the science of gratitude, how it influences our health, and how simple daily practice can ripple into our wellbeing and community.

Why Gratitude Matters: The Research Story

Gratitude is more than a feel-good notion. In psychological science it’s defined as “the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself; a general state of thankfulness and/or appreciation” (Wood, Joseph, Lloyd, & Atkins, 2009).

Here are several evidence-based benefits:

1. Mental & Emotional Wellbeing

Gratitude correlates with greater happiness, more positive emotions, and improved life satisfaction (Harvard Health, 2021).
A meta-analysis of 64 randomized trials found gratitude interventions led to significant improvements in mental health: fewer symptoms of anxiety (−7.8 %) and depression (−6.9 %) (Jans-Beken et al., 2022).
Gratitude writing specifically (vs. general expressive writing) decreased stress and negative affect in a one-month follow-up (Schanche et al., 2020).

2. Physical Health & Sleep

Gratitude is associated with better sleep quality, reduced fatigue, fewer physical symptoms, and improved cardiovascular markers (Harvard Health, 2024).
Individuals with higher dispositional gratitude report greater vitality, less anxiety, and better self-rated physical health (Hill & Roberts, 2011).

3. Brain, Body, and Neural Pathways

Neuroscientific work shows gratitude activates brain regions tied to reward, social bonding, and emotional regulation (Fox et al., 2015).
Gratitude journaling helps “rewire” the brain—shifting attention toward noticing positives and strengthening social connections (The Resilience Project, 2023).

4. Relationships & Community

Gratitude strengthens social ties. Expressing thanks signals that we’ve received value from someone else, fostering trust, connection, and prosocial behavior (Greater Good Science Center, 2016).
The ripple extends beyond the individual; by nurturing gratitude, we also nurture environments of appreciation, kindness, and resilience.

How This Matters for You — And for Us Together

As I share my daily “gratitude” posts throughout November with you, here’s what I’m inviting—and what you might discover:

Resilience under pressure. Life brings stress, uncertainty, pain—yet research shows gratitude buffers against anxiety, depressive symptoms, and even lowers physical complaints.
Foundational self-care. While we often think of self-care as what we do (exercise, essential oils, sleep routines), gratitude is what we become—an orientation, a noticing.
Embodied payoff. Better sleep, less fatigue, improved mood—these aren’t extras; they’re foundational to showing up fully in your life, relationships, and purpose.
Shared transformation. When you join the daily gratitude practice with me, we create a collective momentum—a shared shift toward noticing, naming, and appreciating the good. That communal energy amplifies the individual benefits.

How to Participate: A Simple Framework

Here’s how you can join in this year’s November gratitude journey—with flexibility built in so it fits you.

Download your free Gratitude Journal. (below)
Begin by downloading my Beyond Possibilities Gratitude Journal, designed to guide your daily reflections and deepen your awareness of what’s good in your life. It includes space for 3–10 daily gratitude entries, inspiring prompts, and weekly reflection pages. (Download link coming soon!)
Choose your medium.
Whether it’s your downloaded journal, a digital notes app, or a social-media post—pick the format you’ll stick with.
Keep it manageable.
Research suggests that recording 3 to 10 items per day tends to produce optimal benefits (more than 10 may dilute impact).
- For example: “I’m grateful today for…” followed by 3–5 things.
- You may also pick a theme of the day (health, connection, nature, small joys, acts of kindness).
Be honest & intentional.
Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring challenges—it means also noticing what’s good despite them. Authenticity matters more than perfection.
- A suggested prompt: “What happened today that I might normally overlook—and how did it matter?”
- Another: “Who made a difference for me today—and how can I thank them?”
Share the ripple.
Post what you’re grateful for on my daily gratitude post—either on LinkedIn or Facebook.
Join the conversation, celebrate others’ moments of gratitude, and invite friends or family to participate.
Or share on your own social media with the hashtag #BeyondGratitude to connect our growing community of thankfulness.
Reflect weekly.
At the end of each week in November, look back—What patterns emerge? What small things became big? What surprised you? This reflective pause deepens your practice and anchors your learning.

Gratitude Journal Download

Why This Year Feels Especially Right

Given the fullness of our lives—with our personal healing journeys, essential-oil routines, emotional body work, stress-management, and self-care practices—layering in a gratitude practice is like adding a powerful support beam under the rest of the structure. It doesn’t replace anything you’re doing; it helps everything you do work better.
Plus, once gratitude becomes a habit, its benefits persist and compound over time.

In Closing

I invite you to step into November together—each day noticing something you are grateful for, sharing it if you choose, and inviting others into the circle. Let’s watch how small moments of thanks can build into greater resilience, deeper joy, stronger relationships, and more vibrant health.

With heartfelt thanks for you—for showing up, for choosing healing, for being part of this community. Here’s to a month of gratitude, connection, and transformation.

References

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Fox, G. R., Kaplan, J., Damasio, H., & Damasio, A. (2015). Neural correlates of gratitude. Frontiers in Psychology, 6(1491). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491
Greater Good Science Center. (2016). How gratitude changes you and your brain. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain
Harvard Health. (2021). Giving thanks can make you happier. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
Harvard Health. (2024). Gratitude enhances health, brings happiness — and may even lengthen lives. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gratitude-enhances-health-brings-happiness-and-may-even-lengthen-lives-202409113071
Hill, P. L., & Roberts, B. W. (2011). Examining the pathways between gratitude and self-rated physical health. Psychology & Health, 26(9), 1057–1072. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3489271/
Jans-Beken, L., et al. (2022). The effects of gratitude interventions: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10393216/
Schanche, E., et al. (2020). A brief gratitude writing intervention decreased stress and negative affect. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8867461/
The Resilience Project. (2023). Gratitude and the benefits of journaling. https://theresilienceproject.com.au/at-home/wellbeing-hub/gratitude-and-the-benefits-of-journaling/
Wood, A. M., Joseph, S., Lloyd, J., & Atkins, S. (2009). Gratitude influences sleep through the mechanism of pre-sleep cognitions. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 66(1), 43-48.

Energy Healing, Healing Journey, Health, Self-Discovery

Movement and Emotion: The Science of Feeling Through Motion

October 17, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Have you ever noticed how your body naturally moves with your emotions? You bounce when you’re happy, curl in when you’re sad, or tense your shoulders when you’re stressed. These patterns aren’t random — they reflect how the brain and body communicate through posture, physiology, and feeling. Research confirms what movement and healing traditions have long understood: movement changes emotion, and emotion changes movement.

Now, before I go too deep, you don’t have to overthink it. You can work through your emotions by simply putting on your favorite music and letting your body move to the music naturally. I also love doing AromaDance or Mindful Movement to move through my emotions.

The Somatic Basis of Emotion

Emotions aren’t only “in your head.” They’re embodied experiences involving the autonomic nervous system (ANS), muscle tone, breath, and interoception — our inner sense of how our body feels. When emotions are safely expressed through movement, the body can complete its stress cycle and return to balance. Movement therapies and somatic practices (e.g., gentle stretching, dance/movement therapy, rhythmic motion) have demonstrated reductions in cortisol, enhanced emotional regulation, and improvements in psychological well-being (Koch, Morlinghaus, & Fuchs, 2019; Wu, Li, & Zhang, 2023).

Joy: Expand, Express, Energize

Open-arm reach / chest opening
Expanding posture (arms wide, chest lifted) increases lung volume, influences the balance of sympathetic and parasympathetic tone, and signals openness and approach behavior — postures correlated with higher positive affect (e.g. expanded posture studies).

Light bounce / small hops
Gentle vertical bouncing raises endorphins and dopamine and stimulates spinal and vestibular systems for autonomic regulation.

Playful skipping / side-step
Rhythmic side-to-side locomotion with arm swing boosts mood, supports motor coordination, and taps into play systems.

Wiggle / spontaneous dance
Free, irregular movement (hips, torso, shoulders) enhances body awareness (interoception), modulates autonomic tone, and can increase positive affect (Koch et al., 2019).

Shake / tremor (gentle, spontaneous)
Small tremors or shakes help discharge stored motor tension and reduce autonomic hyperarousal, as in trauma-release (TRE) approaches.

Roll (gentle floor roll → stand)
Rolling shifts vestibular input and proprioceptive orientation, helping interrupt stuck tension patterns and inviting fluidity in the body.

Fear & Anxiety: Grounding, Soothing, Calming

Tap / hum
Gentle tapping or humming engages vagal pathways (via vibration) and supports parasympathetic activation, helping calm high arousal states.

Squeeze / hold (self-hug)
Applying gentle compression through a self-hug or forearm hold reduces cortisol and signals safety through proprioceptive feedback.

Sway / reach
Slow pendular motion with gentle arm reach soothes the vestibular system and offers predictable sensory input, helping regulate hyperarousal.

Sadness / Grief / Shame: Nurturing, Soothing, Softening

Brush / self-hug (gentle stroking)
Slow, affective touch activates C-tactile afferents associated with oxytocin release and supports calming networks.

Rock / squeeze (gentle rocking)
Rocking or gentle compressive movement engages vestibular regulatory systems, offering a soothing rhythm and containment for emotional processing.

Anger / Frustration: Safe Release, Grounding Power

Tense → release (clench / relax)
Voluntary muscle contraction followed by release modulates muscle spindle activity and helps the nervous system downregulate from tension.

Stomp / ground (foot strike)
Energetic foot strikes provide strong proprioceptive feedback and anchor excess energy into the ground, giving a sense of boundary.

Slam / push (controlled directional force)
Using controlled push or strike against a safe surface (e.g., wall, pillow) enables expression of force while reducing internal pressure and reactivity.

Peace / Calm / Confidence: Stabilizing & Centering

Ground / connect (rooted stance)
Soft squats, weight awareness in feet/ankles, and slow shifts help reestablish bodily stability and downregulate sympathetic tone.

Rest / restorative posture
Lying down with deep, diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and promotes parasympathetic recovery.

Center / mindful micro-movement
Very gentle motions (neck rolls, shoulder circles) enhance interoceptive clarity and soothe the system, supporting self-regulation.

Pain / Fatigue / Recovery: Soothing, Flowing, Releasing

Settle / breathe (long exhale + micro shifts)
Slow, extended exhales paired with small posture adjustments relieve muscle guarding and support relaxation.

Ground / connect (light motion)
Gentle walking or standing awareness improves circulation and sensory grounding — beneficial for fatigue and mild pain.

Stretch / yawn / gentle mobilization
Stretching or yawning modulates muscle spindle feedback and encourages relaxation and renewed energy.

Why Somatic Movement Works

Interoception & emotional regulation: Improving body awareness strengthens emotion regulation capacity.
Rhythm & vestibular input: Repetitive movements (sway, rock, bounce) help regulate the autonomic nervous system.
Vocal + breath stimulation: Humming, sighing, and extended exhalation activate vagal pathways.
Free movement & dance: Encourages fluidity, creativity, and improved affect regulation (Koch et al., 2019; Wu et al., 2023).

Final Thoughts

Our feelings naturally manifest in the body. By intentionally choosing movement that mirrors or completes those expressions, we can help the body return to balance. Whether it’s a joyful stretch, a grounding stomp, or a slow restorative breath, each movement is a doorway to recalibration and liberation.

References

Dreisörner, A., & Junker, N. M. (2022). Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 157, 110847. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2022.110847

Eckstein, M., Kämmerer, D., Knafo, S., & Heinrichs, M. (2020). Calming effects of touch in human, animal, and robotic social interactions. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, Article 567. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7672023/

Koch, S. C., Morlinghaus, K., & Fuchs, T. (2019). Effects of dance/movement therapy and dance on health-related psychological outcomes: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, Article 1806. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01806/full

Lindgren, L. (2012). Emotional and physiological responses to touch massage (Doctoral dissertation, Umeå University). Umeå University Repository. https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2%3A568111/fulltext01.pdf

Packheiser, J., et al. (2024). A systematic review and multivariate meta-analysis of touch interventions: Effects on cortisol, pain, anxiety, and more. Nature Human Behaviour. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-024-01841-8

Wu, J., Li, Y., & Zhang, T. (2023). Effects of dance movement interventions on psychological health in older adults: A meta-analysis and systematic review. Brain Sciences, 13(7), 981. https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/13/7/981

Family Life Education, Self-Discovery

Putting It All Together: Awareness, Word Choice, and Trust in Family Communication

October 8, 2025October 8, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Family communication is often the heartbeat of connection. The words we choose, the tone we use, and even the body language we convey can either build bridges or create distance within our homes. While it’s easy to get swept up in the rush of daily life, learning to pause, reflect, and intentionally communicate can transform how our families relate to one another.

In previous blogs, we’ve explored the foundations of awareness, trust, and word choice in communication. Now, it’s time to put it all together — to take what we’ve learned and use it in real moments with those we love most.

Awareness: The Power of Pausing Before We Speak

Awareness is like turning on a light in a dark room. It helps us see clearly what’s really happening — both within ourselves and in the conversation unfolding before us. When parents recognize their emotional state before speaking, research shows they communicate more calmly, which encourages calmer responses from their children as well (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017).

Before reacting to a situation — like a teenager missing curfew or a spouse forgetting to follow through — pause and check in with yourself. What emotion is surfacing? What need might be underneath that emotion?

Tools like Mel Robbins’ “5 Second Rule” (counting backward 5-4-3-2-1 before responding) can interrupt reactive thought patterns and help you respond from a place of calm intention. This practice of mindful awareness creates space for empathy to guide our words rather than frustration.

Word Choice: Creating Openness Through Language

Words carry energy. The difference between “Why are you always late?” and “I’m concerned you’re running behind — is there something you need help with?” is the difference between accusation and understanding.

Studies consistently show that positive word choice improves family connection and strengthens relationships over time (Family Strengths: Communication, 2020). Using “I-statements” is one of the simplest and most effective ways to do this. Instead of blaming or labeling, “I-statements” express feelings and needs without placing the other person on the defensive (The Importance of “I-Statements in Relationships,” n.d.).

For example:

“I feel worried when I don’t hear from you. Can we agree that you’ll text when you arrive home?”

That small shift creates collaboration rather than confrontation — and the tone of the conversation shifts from tension to teamwork.

Trust: Built in the Everyday Moments

Trust is not built in grand gestures — it’s built in consistency. Every small, respectful interaction lays a foundation for emotional safety and belonging. Research from Ouyang and Cheung (2023) found that when parents foster trust and model emotional regulation, young adults experience fewer depressive symptoms and stronger family bonds.

Nonverbal cues like tone, posture, and facial expressions often speak louder than words (Winsberg, 2022). When we model openness, children learn that vulnerability is safe. This kind of safety allows our teens and young adults to develop independence while still feeling supported — a balance essential for healthy family dynamics (Busby & Chiu, 2017).

It’s easy to overlook these small daily exchanges, but they are the building blocks of resilient relationships. As one review from Precision Family Therapy (2025) put it, strong communication nurtures empathy, mutual respect, and adaptability — qualities that make families thrive even through challenges.

Putting It Into Practice

Imagine this scenario: your 17-year-old borrowed the car and didn’t text when they got home.

Your instinct might be to say, “You never think about how worried I get!” But instead, you pause. You take a deep breath. You recognize that your reaction comes from fear, not anger.

Then you reframe:

“When I don’t hear from you, I worry because I care about your safety. How can we make a plan that works for both of us?”

This reframe integrates awareness (of your own emotions), word choice (using “I-statements”), and trust (inviting collaboration). The result? Connection instead of conflict.

Growth, Not Perfection

Improving communication is not about mastering perfection — it’s about making consistent, small shifts that ripple through our relationships. Each mindful pause, thoughtful phrase, and intentional act of trust brings us closer together.

As Forever Families (2020) beautifully explains, communication is both a skill and a reflection of love — one that strengthens every time we choose understanding over reaction.

So, take a moment today to reflect:

How can you pause more often before responding?
What words can you reframe to express care instead of criticism?
Where might trust need a little rebuilding — or acknowledgment?

Awareness opens understanding.
Word choice opens dialogue.
And trust opens hearts.

Communication Journal 3 Download

References (APA 7th Edition)

Alejandra, A. M., & Kataoka, S. (2017). Family communication styles and resilience among adolescents. Social Work, 62(3), 261–269. https://doi.org/10.2307/44652409

Busby, D. M., & Hsin-Yao Chiu, L. (2017). Perceived conflict styles of adult children and their parents: What is the connection? Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(12), 3412–3424. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0839-9

Family Strengths: Communication. (2020). Forever Families. https://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/family-strengths-communication

Ouyang, Q., & Cheung, R. Y. M. (2023). Mother–child versus father–child conflict and emerging adults’ depressive symptoms: The role of trust in parents and maladaptive emotional regulation. Journal of Adult Development, 30(2), 145–157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-022-09431-1

Precision Family Therapy. (2025). The role of communication in strengthening family bonds. https://www.precisionfamilytherapy.com/post/the-role-of-communication-in-strengthening-family-bonds

The Importance of “I-Statements” in Relationships. (n.d.). Tony Robbins. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/words-matter-you-vs-i

Winsberg, M. (2022). Speaking in Thumbs. Doubleday.

Family Life Education, Self-Discovery

Building Trust Through Positive Communication: How Word Choice Builds Trust in Families

September 30, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Good communication is at the heart of every healthy family relationship. In our latest workshop, we explored how the words we choose — especially in moments of stress — can either open a door to connection or close it. Even if you weren’t able to attend, the principles we discussed can help you strengthen your communication at home.

Why Word Choice Matters

Children and adolescents don’t just hear our words — they interpret the tone, structure, and intent behind them (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017; Zapf et al., 2022). A phrase meant as guidance can sometimes sound like blame. For example:

Saying to a teen, “Why can’t you ever remember to text me?” may feel accusatory and lead to withdrawal.
Rephrased as, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you after school because I care about you. A quick text reassures me you’re safe,” the same concern becomes collaborative and caring.

These subtle shifts make a big difference in whether your child shuts down or leans in. Research shows that positive communication is linked to better family health and well-being (Kang et al., 2019) and can buffer stress for both parents and children (Rosland et al., 2011).

“I-Statements” vs. “You-Statements”

When emotions run high, our phrasing matters.

You-statements (e.g., “You never listen!”) point outward and often trigger defensiveness and conflict (Busby & Chiu, 2017).
I-statements (e.g., “I feel frustrated when instructions aren’t followed because it creates more work for me”) take ownership of feelings, reduce blame, and make room for dialogue (The Importance of “I-Statements,” n.d.).

Studies show that authentic I-statements help children feel respected, even when they are being corrected, and are associated with greater trust and healthier emotional regulation (Ouyang & Cheung, 2023; Yang et al., 2024). Families that practice open, consistent communication build resilience and stronger bonds (Family Strengths: Communication, 2020).

How to Put This into Practice

Pause before reacting. Take a breath and think: Am I about to use a “You-statement”?
Reframe with “I.” Center your message on your own feelings and needs, not blame.
Model growth. If you slip, rephrase aloud. This shows your children you are working on communication too.
Practice together. Try rewriting common household frustrations into I-statements as a family exercise.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Over time, your words can become a tool for connection, cooperation, and trust.

Communication Journal 2 Download

📚 References

Alejandra, A. M., & Kataoka, S. (2017). Family communication styles and resilience among adolescents. Social Work, 62(3), 261–269. https://doi.org/10.2307/44652409

Busby, D. M., & Chiu, L. H. (2017). Perceived conflict styles of adult children and their parents: What is the connection? Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(12), 3412–3424. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0839-9

Family Strengths: Communication. (2020). Forever Families. https://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/family-strengths-communication

Kang, S. Y., Lee, J. A., & Kim, Y. S. (2019). Impact of family communications on self-rated health of couples who visited primary care physicians: A cross-sectional analysis of Family Cohort Study in Primary Care. PLOS ONE, 14(3), e0213427. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0213427

Ouyang, Q., & Cheung, R. Y. M. (2023). Mother–child versus father–child conflict and emerging adults’ depressive symptoms: The role of trust in parents and maladaptive emotional regulation. Journal of Adult Development, 30(2), 145–157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-022-09431-1

Rosland, A., Heisler, M., & Piette, J. D. (2011). The impact of family behaviors and communication patterns on chronic illness outcomes: A systematic review. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 35(2), 221–239. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-011-9354-4

The Importance of “I-Statements” in Relationships. (n.d.). Tony Robbins. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/words-matter-you-vs-i

Yang, K. N., Bergman, K. N., & Cummings, E. M. (2024). Mother–adolescent communication and father–adolescent communication: Analyzing a 4-week family intervention using multi-informant data. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 35(1). https://doi.org/10.1111/jor.12995

Zapf, H., Boettcher, J., Haukeland, Y. B., Orm, S., Coslar, S., Wiegand-Grefe, S., & Fjermestad, K. (2022). A systematic review of parent–child communication measures: Instruments and their psychometric properties. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 26(1), 121–142. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-022-00414-3

Winsberg, M. (2022). Speaking in thumbs. Doubleday.

Family Life Education, Making a Difference, Self-Discovery

Building Bridges: Understanding Family Communication Styles

September 15, 2025September 23, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Communication is at the heart of every family relationship. It’s how we express love, set boundaries, and navigate challenges together. Yet, as our children grow—from tweens discovering independence, to teens testing limits, to young adults stepping into the world—communication often becomes one of the trickiest parts of parenting.

Whether you’re trying to get an 11-year-old to clean up their room, discussing curfew with a 16-year-old, or respecting the independence of your 22-year-old, the way you communicate can either strengthen connection or create distance.

Why Communication Matters

Research consistently shows that strong family communication builds resilience, reduces conflict, and helps children thrive emotionally (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017; Busby & Chiu, 2017). For parents, good communication creates more cooperation at home and a deeper sense of trust—even during tough conversations.

The challenge? Not every style of communication is equally effective.

The Four Common Communication Styles

Communication can be mapped across two dimensions: openness of communication (how honestly we share) and consideration for others (how much we respect another’s needs). Together, these create four styles:

Aggressive – Open but lacking respect for others.
Passive – Respectful but withholding feelings or needs.
Passive-Aggressive – Indirect, masking frustration with sarcasm or avoidance.
Assertive – Honest and open while still considering others.

Most of us use a mix of these styles depending on stress, habits, or circumstances. But the healthiest families lean on assertive communication, because it balances honesty with respect.

Real-Life Examples

To bring these styles to life, here are a few parent–child situations across the tween-to-twenty spectrum:

Aggressive (Teen): Your 16-year-old comes home past curfew. You yell, “You’re completely irresponsible!”
Passive (Young Adult): Your 24-year-old borrows your car and returns it on empty. You say, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” while stewing inside.
Passive-Aggressive (Teen): Your 15-year-old forgets chores. You mutter, “Guess I’m the maid in this house,” while slamming the trash down.
Assertive (Tween): Your 12-year-old resists homework. You say, “I know you’re tired, but this needs to be finished. Let’s set a timer and take breaks.”

Can you see how each style affects the relationship differently?

Takeaway for Parents

There’s no such thing as perfect communication, but being aware of how you’re communicating is the first step. Ask yourself:

Am I being honest about my needs and feelings?
Am I showing respect for my child’s needs, even as they grow more independent?
Do I shift my approach when talking to my 11-year-old versus my 21-year-old?

The goal isn’t to avoid conflict—it’s to handle it in ways that build trust and connection.

Try This at Home

This week, pay attention to one interaction with your child. Notice your communication style in the moment. If it’s not assertive, pause and reframe your words. For example:

Instead of: “You never listen to me!”
Try: “I feel frustrated when I have to repeat myself. Can we figure out a better way to handle reminders?”

Small shifts like this can change the whole tone of family life.

Final Thoughts

Parenting tweens through twenties is a balancing act of guidance, boundaries, and letting go. Communication is the bridge that carries us through these stages. By becoming aware of your style—and choosing assertiveness more often—you’ll nurture respect, trust, and connection with your children at every age.

Whether you attended our recent family communication class or are simply exploring on your own, this resource is here to remind you: the way you speak shapes the way your family thrives.

Communication Journal Download