Tag: Anxiety

Building Positive Communication
Family Life Education, Self-Discovery

Building Trust Through Positive Communication: How Word Choice Builds Trust in Families

Beyond Possibilities

Good communication is at the heart of every healthy family relationship. In our latest workshop, we explored how the words we choose — especially in moments of stress — can either open a door to connection or close it. Even if you weren’t able to attend, the principles we discussed can help you strengthen your communication at home.

Why Word Choice Matters

Children and adolescents don’t just hear our words — they interpret the tone, structure, and intent behind them (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017; Zapf et al., 2022). A phrase meant as guidance can sometimes sound like blame. For example:

  • Saying to a teen, “Why can’t you ever remember to text me?” may feel accusatory and lead to withdrawal.
  • Rephrased as, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you after school because I care about you. A quick text reassures me you’re safe,” the same concern becomes collaborative and caring.

These subtle shifts make a big difference in whether your child shuts down or leans in. Research shows that positive communication is linked to better family health and well-being (Kang et al., 2019) and can buffer stress for both parents and children (Rosland et al., 2011).

“I-Statements” vs. “You-Statements”

When emotions run high, our phrasing matters.

  • You-statements (e.g., “You never listen!”) point outward and often trigger defensiveness and conflict (Busby & Chiu, 2017).
  • I-statements (e.g., “I feel frustrated when instructions aren’t followed because it creates more work for me”) take ownership of feelings, reduce blame, and make room for dialogue (The Importance of “I-Statements,” n.d.).

Studies show that authentic I-statements help children feel respected, even when they are being corrected, and are associated with greater trust and healthier emotional regulation (Ouyang & Cheung, 2023; Yang et al., 2024). Families that practice open, consistent communication build resilience and stronger bonds (Family Strengths: Communication, 2020).

How to Put This into Practice

  • Pause before reacting. Take a breath and think: Am I about to use a “You-statement”?
  • Reframe with “I.” Center your message on your own feelings and needs, not blame.
  • Model growth. If you slip, rephrase aloud. This shows your children you are working on communication too.
  • Practice together. Try rewriting common household frustrations into I-statements as a family exercise.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Over time, your words can become a tool for connection, cooperation, and trust.

Communication Journal 2Download

📚 References

Alejandra, A. M., & Kataoka, S. (2017). Family communication styles and resilience among adolescents. Social Work, 62(3), 261–269. https://doi.org/10.2307/44652409

Busby, D. M., & Chiu, L. H. (2017). Perceived conflict styles of adult children and their parents: What is the connection? Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(12), 3412–3424. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0839-9

Family Strengths: Communication. (2020). Forever Families. https://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/family-strengths-communication

Kang, S. Y., Lee, J. A., & Kim, Y. S. (2019). Impact of family communications on self-rated health of couples who visited primary care physicians: A cross-sectional analysis of Family Cohort Study in Primary Care. PLOS ONE, 14(3), e0213427. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0213427

Ouyang, Q., & Cheung, R. Y. M. (2023). Mother–child versus father–child conflict and emerging adults’ depressive symptoms: The role of trust in parents and maladaptive emotional regulation. Journal of Adult Development, 30(2), 145–157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-022-09431-1

Rosland, A., Heisler, M., & Piette, J. D. (2011). The impact of family behaviors and communication patterns on chronic illness outcomes: A systematic review. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 35(2), 221–239. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-011-9354-4

The Importance of “I-Statements” in Relationships. (n.d.). Tony Robbins. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/words-matter-you-vs-i

Yang, K. N., Bergman, K. N., & Cummings, E. M. (2024). Mother–adolescent communication and father–adolescent communication: Analyzing a 4-week family intervention using multi-informant data. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 35(1). https://doi.org/10.1111/jor.12995

Zapf, H., Boettcher, J., Haukeland, Y. B., Orm, S., Coslar, S., Wiegand-Grefe, S., & Fjermestad, K. (2022). A systematic review of parent–child communication measures: Instruments and their psychometric properties. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 26(1), 121–142. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-022-00414-3

Winsberg, M. (2022). Speaking in thumbs. Doubleday.

Essential Oils, Healing Journey, Health

From Blah to Bliss: Tackle Seasonal Mood Challenges Naturally

Beyond Possibilities

Mahvash S. Goodarzi’s dissertation (2024) explores various nonmedical treatments for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), focusing on interventions that are accessible and effective.* Below are five key nonmedical treatments highlighted in the study:

  1. Increased Physical Exercise: Regular outdoor exercise, especially in natural sunlight, can reduce depressive symptoms.
  2. Heliotherapy (Sunlight Exposure): Spending time outdoors during daylight hours helps regulate circadian rhythms and improve mood.
  3. Dietary Modifications: A diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids and low in unhealthy fats may prevent or alleviate SAD symptoms.
  4. Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices improve emotional regulation and reduce SAD symptoms.
  5. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Focuses on changing negative thought patterns to enhance coping strategies.

Incorporating these essential oils into your daily routine through diffusion, topical application (diluted with a carrier oil), or aromatic use may promote relaxation, uplifting mood, and reducing stress.* Here are eight doTERRA essential oils that may be beneficial:

  1. Wild Orange: Known for its energizing aroma, Wild Orange can uplift the mood and create an invigorating environment.
  2. Lavender: Renowned for its calming properties, Lavender helps reduce anxious feelings and promotes relaxation.
  3. Bergamot: With its citrusy scent, Bergamot is uplifting and may help improve mood. healthmatch.io
  4. Peppermint: Peppermint’s invigorating aroma can enhance mental clarity and provide an energy boost, helping to combat lethargy associated with feeling of saddness. volantaroma.com
  5. Frankincense: Often used for its grounding properties, Frankincense promotes feelings of peace and relaxation, which can be beneficial during times of stress or low mood.
  6. doTERRA Adaptiv: This blend is specifically designed to reduce tension and promote emotional balance.
  7. doTERRA Balance: A grounding blend that fosters a sense of calm and tranquility, helpful for stabilizing emotions.
  8. Ylang Ylang: This floral-scented oil is known for its mood-enhancing properties, helping to reduce feelings of sadness and promote joy.
Supporting Emotions with Essential Oils
Calming Anxious Feelings

Journaling your mood can be a powerful tool for supporting emotional well-being. Here’s how it can help:

  1. Emotional Awareness and Clarity
    Writing down your feelings helps you become more aware of your emotions and identify patterns in your mood. This awareness can clarify what triggers negative emotions and what lifts your spirits, enabling you to manage your mental health more effectively.
  2. Stress Relief and Emotional Release
    Journaling serves as a safe outlet to release emotions. Whether you’re feeling sad, anxious, or overwhelmed, putting your thoughts on paper can reduce the intensity of those feelings and bring relief.
  3. Identifying and Challenging Negative Thoughts
    Mood journaling can help you spot unhelpful thought patterns. Once identified, you can challenge these thoughts and replace them with healthier, more positive perspectives—especially useful in cognitive-behavioral approaches.
  4. Tracking Progress and Growth
    By recording your emotions daily, you can track improvements over time. This can boost motivation and confidence when you see how far you’ve come in managing your emotions.
  5. Promotes Gratitude and Positive Thinking
    Incorporating gratitude journaling alongside mood tracking can shift your focus from negative experiences to positive ones. Reflecting on what you’re grateful for can increase resilience and improve overall mood.
  6. Improves Emotional Regulation
    When you regularly document your emotions, you’re more likely to notice early signs of emotional distress and respond to them before they escalate.
  7. Supports Communication
    Journaling helps you process your emotions before discussing them with others, leading to clearer and more effective communication about how you’re feeling.
Mindfulness Journal and Mood TrackerDownload

**These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

References:

doTERRA. (n.d.). Calming anxious feelings. Retrieved from https://www.doterra.com/US/en/wellness-topics-calming-anxious-feelings

Goodarzi, M. S. (2024). A qualitative examination of nonmedical treatment of seasonal affective disorder in adults (Doctoral dissertation, The Chicago School of Professional Psychology). ProQuest Dissertations Publishing.

HealthMatch. (n.d.). Best essential oils for seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Retrieved from https://healthmatch.io/seasonal-affective-disorder/best-essential-oils-for-seasonal-affective-disorder

Volant Aroma. (n.d.). Essential oils for SAD: 5 essential oils to survive the winter blues. Retrieved from https://volantaroma.com/blogs/guides/essential-oils-for-sad-5-essential-oils-to-survive-the-winter-blues


Goodarzi, M. S. (2024). A qualitative examination of nonmedical treatment of seasonal affective disorder in adults (Doctoral dissertation, The Chicago School of Professional Psychology). ProQuest Dissertations Publishing. https://www.proquest.com/openview/a3fecb2855181be958aba8870914b4b5/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y

Healing Journey, Health, Self-Discovery

World Mental Health Day: It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

Beyond Possibilities

In a world where we’re constantly connected yet somehow feel more alone than ever, taking care of our mental health has never been more critical. Each year on World Mental Health Day, we are reminded of the importance of creating space for our emotional well-being, and this year, the message is clear: It’s okay to not be okay. It’s not okay to try and go through it alone.

The truth is, mental health struggles don’t discriminate. Whether you’re a high-achiever facing burnout, a parent juggling too much, or someone quietly battling anxiety or depression, you are not alone. And while it’s tempting to hide behind a brave face, pretending that everything is fine, the healing begins when we give ourselves permission to feel what we feel.

Reaching out is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s one of the bravest steps we can take in reclaiming our well-being. Whether it’s sharing with a trusted friend, seeking therapy, or tapping into holistic tools like essential oils, affirmations, or energy work, there are countless ways to support our mental health. The key is knowing that help is available and that it’s okay to ask for it.

This World Mental Health Day, let’s start the conversation. How are you, really? What can you do to support your mental health today? And who can you reach out to if you’re feeling overwhelmed? By showing up for ourselves and each other, we can collectively create a world where everyone feels safe to say, “I’m struggling, and that’s okay.”

Join the conversation at https://www.facebook.com/reel/580511624403810

Take a deep breath, let go of the pressure to have it all together, and remember: you don’t have to go through this journey alone. Let’s embrace the power of community and healing, one conversation at a time.

Imagine Dragons Say it best!

Join the conversation at https://www.facebook.com/reel/580511624403810

There is HELP

Here are some mental health crisis lines: 

  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 to connect with a trained crisis counselor 24/7. 
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor 24/7. 
  • Disaster Distress Helpline: Call or text 1-800-985-5990 to connect with a trained crisis counselor 24/7. 
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) HelpLine: Call 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 741-741. 
  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline: Call 800-662-HELP (800-662-4357) for substance abuse and mental health. 
  • Teen Line: Call 800-852-8336 for youth in need of support. 
  • The Trevor Project: Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678 for LGBTQ youth. 
  • Trans Lifeline: Call 877-565-8860 for US and 877-330-6366 for Canada. 

#WorldMentalHealthDay
#ItsOkayToNotBeOkay
#MentalHealthMatters
#BreakTheStigma
#YouAreNotAlone
#EndTheStigma
#MentalHealthAwareness
#SelfCareMatters
#MentalHealthSupport
#TogetherWeHeal

Fight, Flight to Burnout
Uncategorized

2020 Fight or Flight to Burnout

Beyond Possibilities

March 2020 started out with excitement, our oldest daughter was going to be coming home from college for Spring Break. We had plans for spending time together, but I can’t remember what they were. What I do remember is after my daughter arrived home, we received a letter from the Health Department stating that our second daughter was quarantined at home until March 27, 2020 due to 3 cases of COVID-19 at their school. We were devastated, but little did we know this was only the beginning. For me some of the timelines are mixed up in mind. What I do know is that it was unlike anything I had experienced before. Schools moved to distance learning to slow the spread of COVID-19, but no one knew what they were doing. My oldest daughter did an emergency transfer with her job to the location here.

As if the chaos of a pandemic was not enough, on the morning of March 18th, I was standing in the kitchen getting ready to make a protein shake, when there was a loud sound followed by shaking. I started screaming and trying to close cupboards, while my husband yelled at me from the other room to get out of the kitchen. 2 of our 3 children where in the basement. Fear overcame me and I went into fight or flight. Once I knew my family was okay, we started checking on others and helping where we could. The more I help others they less anxious I felt.

We had just had a 5.7 Earthquake with the epicenter 2 miles from our home in Magna. It was the largest earthquake I had experienced. My husband and oldest daughter had to go into work, as our two youngest and I stayed home. It was a day filled with aftershocks and uneasiness. 

 

Quake Utah March to September

As I look at that day I found the timing a blessing. My family was all under one roof and we were safe. There was minimal damage to our home. 

STAY HOME STAY SAFE ordinances were put in place in our State and most of the country,causing us all to go into survival mode. My husband and daughter started working from home. Grocery Stores had empty shelves, there was a shortage of toilet paper, cleaning supplies, and more. Once again I found myself in fight or flight mode, looking forward to going back to normal in a few weeks. Once again I found it best to get lost in the service of other as a way to cope with the anxiety I was feeling. 

In April, we did a quick overnight trip to move our daughter home from college since they would not be returning to in person classes. I started realizing this was going to be our new normal.

I continued to look outward as my way of coping, but by the middle of July I started struggling. Our middle child has a rare disease so we had to be careful, but it started taking it’s toll not only on me but on the whole family. We missed doing stuff,  spending time with our friends, attending church and all the things we had taken for granted before. Serving others was no longer helping me cope, instead it became overwhelming. 

The best way to describe it is burnout. Our family and I believe the world is burnt out from the pandemic and everything else that is going on the the world. The world is filled with fear, anger, hate, and negativity. It is taking its toll on us physically and mentally. 

Recently a friend posted the following article “Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful” which states. In those early months, I, along with most of the rest of the country, was using “surge capacity” to operate, as Ann Masten, PhD, a psychologist and professor of child development at the University of Minnesota, calls it. Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems — mental and physical — that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters. But natural disasters occur over a short period, even if recovery is long. Pandemics are different — the disaster itself stretches out indefinitely.” It then goes on to ask “How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the ‘new normal’ is indefinite uncertainty?”. 

That truly is the question. How do we adapt to the ‘new normal’ when it continues to change and it is uncertain? The article that suggests the following:

I highly recommend reading the article for more information on these suggestions. And I want to add a few of my own:

Focus on self-care

When we fly the flight attendant tells us in the event of an emergency place your mask on first and then assist others. I have come to realize because I was focusing on others first I ran out of steam. If I take care of myself first with proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and fun, I have more to give others. When my reserves got low, I burnt out.

Focus on gratitude

Find 3 or more things each day you are grateful for and write them down. As you reflect on what you have rather than what you don’t it help shift your energy. 

Focus on what you are learning

By writing down something you learn during the day, you will see progress rather than feeling stuck or stagnant. 

Focus on the positive

Turn off the news, walk away from social media. Look for the good in people. Spread cheer, kindness, and love. When you can maintain social distance keep your mask off so you can smile at people. 

Focus on making a difference

It’s all about finding ways to make a difference at home, in the community, and in the world. A couple of my friends and I have decided to focus on pursuing good for the next year. We have chosen the following themes and #’s:

  • September #PursueKindness – Random acts of kindness
  • October #PursueFun – Creating fun, sharing fun, doing what is fun
  • November #PursueGratitude – Showing and Sharing gratitude
  • December #PursueConnection – Finding ways to stay connected or reconnect
  • January #PursueWellness – Physical and Mental health and well-being 
  • February #PursueLove – Show and Share love
  • March #PursueMe – All about self-care

Focus on being

We burnout because we are so busy doing, that we forget who and what we are. We are human beings, not human doings, so take time to be still, be quite, be patient, be happy, be kind, be loving, etc.  

Know that you are not alone in this fight, flight, and burnout. We are all experiencing the shift in the world together. We don’t know what to do, or when it is going to end, but we can take better care of ourselves and then help others.

Resources:

U of U Seismograph Stations
Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted — It’s Why You Feel Awful