Self-Discovery – Beyond Possibilities

Every year, resolutions promise transformation. Eat better. Move more. Be more disciplined. And every year, many of those promises quietly dissolve, often replaced with guilt, frustration, and the belief that something is wrong with you.

But science tells a different story.

Resolutions don’t fail because people lack motivation or willpower. They fail because they are built on systems that ignore how the human body, brain, and nervous system actually create lasting change.

This is your permission slip to stop forcing yourself into frameworks that were never designed for your body, your strengths, or your life — and instead choose approaches that honor how change truly works.

The Resolution Myth

Traditional resolutions rely on rigid goals, arbitrary start dates, and outcome-focused expectations. While the idea of a “fresh start” can temporarily boost motivation, research shows that temporal landmarks alone do not sustain long-term behavior change without supportive structures embedded into daily life (Kooij et al., 2015).

Many resolutions are also vague (“be healthier”) or overly ambitious, leaving no clear path for action. When setbacks occur — as they inevitably do — people often interpret them as personal failure rather than part of the learning process. This mindset increases stress and disengagement, making consistency less likely.

Why Willpower Isn’t the Answer

Sustainable change is not a function of force. It is a function of conditions.

Behavioral science consistently shows that habits stick when they are:

Small and repeatable
Anchored to existing routines
Supported by emotional regulation and internal motivation

When stress levels are high, the brain prioritizes survival over growth. Under these conditions, willpower is unreliable. This is why systems rooted in guilt and pressure tend to collapse — they activate stress responses rather than support learning and adaptation.

Mindset, Self-Talk, and the Body: What the Science Shows

Research in mind-body medicine demonstrates that cognitive and emotional states meaningfully influence the physiological environments in which healing and change occur. Harvard Health Publishing has documented that the brain and immune system communicate bidirectionally, meaning thoughts, emotions, and stress perception can influence immune signaling, inflammation, and recovery processes (Harvard Health Publishing, n.d.).

Expanding on this connection, Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer’s work on mindfulness and perception has shown that psychological framing can measurably affect physical outcomes. In controlled research, altered perceptions of time significantly influenced the rate of physical healing, including bruise recovery, underscoring the role of awareness and expectation in bodily processes (Aungle & Langer, 2023).

Further supporting this, contemporary reviews of self-talk research demonstrate that intentional internal dialogue improves emotional regulation, stress resilience, and behavioral consistency — all factors that indirectly but powerfully support physical wellbeing by shaping nervous system responses and health-related behaviors (Brinthaupt & Morin, 2023).

Taken together, this evidence reframes change entirely: sustainable transformation does not emerge from self-criticism or force, but from cultivating internal conditions — safety, supportive self-talk, and reduced stress — that allow the body to function as designed.

Foundational Wellness Over Forced Change

Rather than resolutions that demand perfection, research supports foundational practices that build resilience and capacity over time:

Consistent sleep and recovery
Nourishment that stabilizes energy and mood
Gentle, repeatable movement
Emotional regulation and stress support

When these foundations are in place, behavior change becomes less about discipline and more about momentum.

Movement That Feels Good Actually Lasts

Movement is often positioned as punishment for not being “enough.” Science tells a different story.

Positive emotional responses to movement are among the strongest predictors of long-term adherence. Meta-analytic research shows that when physical activity is experienced as enjoyable rather than aversive, individuals are significantly more likely to sustain it over time (Rhodes et al., 2021). Moderate, self-selected activities — such as walking, gentle strength training, or mindful movement — consistently produce more positive affect than high-intensity approaches that may feel overwhelming, particularly early on.

Additionally, environments that support autonomy, competence, and connection further enhance intrinsic motivation and enjoyment, reinforcing consistency without relying on pressure or obligation (Boiché & Sarrazin, 2013).

Simply put: consistency grows from enjoyment, not punishment.

Find music that inspires you.

Body Groove just release a Manifesting Magic Through Movement that is beautiful. (I am not an affiliate, but a huge fan of their playlists.)

Supportive Tools for Sustainable Change: Essential Oils and Supportive Research

While behavior change is primarily psychological and neurological, supportive tools can meaningfully improve the internal and external environments in which habits grow. When stress is reduced and emotional regulation is supported, the body is better positioned to sustain consistent, health-supportive behaviors. Within this context, aromatherapy and essential oils have been studied for their effects on stress perception, mood regulation, sleep quality, and nervous system balance.

Stress, Mood, and Sleep Support

Randomized controlled trials have demonstrated that inhalation of specific essential oil blends can significantly reduce perceived stress and improve sleep quality — two foundational elements for recovery, emotional regulation, and sustainable behavior change. Improved sleep and reduced stress are strongly associated with better adherence to wellness routines, improved mood stability, and enhanced capacity for habit formation (Kim et al., 2017; Lee et al., 2021). These findings support the use of aromatherapy as a complementary practice to help lower physiological stress load and support restorative processes essential for long-term change.

Nervous System Effects

Scoping reviews of essential oil research indicate measurable effects on emotional modulation, anxiety reduction, stress regulation, sleep quality, and mental fatigue. These effects are believed to occur primarily through olfactory and respiratory pathways that influence limbic system activity and neurochemical signaling involved in emotional and autonomic regulation (de Rapper et al., 2023). By supporting nervous system balance, aromatherapy may reduce friction around daily wellness behaviors and improve consistency without relying on force or willpower.

AromaTouch® Technique Research

Pilot trials examining structured essential oil application procedures, such as the AromaTouch® Technique, have demonstrated enhanced relaxation responses and reductions in biomarkers associated with stress and inflammation when compared to control touch procedures (Bennett et al., 2017). These findings suggest that intentional, rhythmic application of essential oils combined with touch may further support parasympathetic activation, contributing to improved recovery and emotional regulation.

Importantly, evidence consistently supports essential oils as supportive tools, not drivers, of personal transformation. They assist the environment of change — reducing stress, supporting emotional balance, and improving recovery — rather than acting as the cause of behavioral or psychological change. When used alongside aligned mindset work, movement that feels good, and foundational wellness practices, essential oils can help make sustainable change feel more accessible and embodied.

A New Way Forward

This is not about lowering standards. It is about raising self-respect.

When you stop forcing yourself into systems that rely on guilt and willpower, and instead build change around how your body and brain actually work, something shifts.

Change becomes kinder.
More realistic.
And far more sustainable.

References (APA 7)

AromaTouch® technique trial:
Author(s). (Year). Immediate and lasting effects of the dōTERRA AromaTouch Technique on autonomic function and biomarkers: A pilot trial. Journal of Integrative Medicine and Therapy. avensonline.org

Aungle, P., & Langer, E. J. (2023). Physical healing as a function of perceived time. Scientific Reports, 13, Article 18454. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-45393-2

Behavior change and motivation theory:
Alberts, L., Lyngs, U., & Lukoff, K. (2024). Designing for sustained motivation: A review of Self-Determination Theory in behaviour change technologies. arXiv. arXiv

Boiché, J., & Sarrazin, P. (2013). Peers’ influence on exercise enjoyment: A self-determination theory approach. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 14(4), 461–468. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24150130/

Brinthaupt, T. M., & Morin, A. (2023). Self-talk: Research challenges and opportunities. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1210960. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1210960

Essential oil nervous system effects scoping review:
de Rapper, S., et al. (Year). The effects of essential oils on the nervous system: A scoping review. PubMed summary. PubMed

Harvard Health Publishing. (n.d.). Can our brain talk to our immune system? Harvard Medical School. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/can-our-brain-talk-to-our-immune-system

Kooij, A., et al. (2015). Temporal landmarks and aspirational behavior. Management Science, 61(11), 2695–2714.

Lee, J. A., et al. (2021). Effect of aromatherapy on sleep quality of adults and elderly people: A systematic literature review and meta-analysis. Complementary Therapies in Medicine, 60, 102739. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ctim.2021.102739

Resolution success longitudinal data:
University research summary. (2025). New Year’s resolution adherence statistics. UNSW Newsroom. UNSW Sites

Rhodes, R. E., et al. (2021). Affective and enjoyment responses to physical activity: A meta-analysis. Health Psychology Review, 15(2), 167–186. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34112041/

Studies on inhalation aromatherapy effects on stress, sleep quality, and mood:
Kim, H. J., et al. (2017). The effects of aromatherapy essential oil inhalation on stress, sleep quality, and depression in healthy adults. European Journal of Integrative Medicine, 12, 79–86. ScienceDirect

Xu, J., et al. (2025). The effects of Rosa damascena aromatherapy on anxiety, stress, hemodynamics, and sleep: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Frontiers in Public Health. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41262694/

Healing Journey, Making a Difference, Self-Discovery

Cultivating Gratitude in November — And Beyond

October 29, 2025November 20, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

The crisp November air holds a subtle invitation: to pause, inhale deeply, and turn the gaze inward with a heartfelt “thank you.” I am grateful for those who trust me as their mentor, Essential Oil Coach, and Emotion Code, Body Code, and Belief Code Practitioner. I am thankful to those who follow me on the various platforms and hope you find value in what I share. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

As the golden leaves shift into quiet rest, so too can we shift from doing to being grateful. For many years I’ve taken this month to share one daily gratitude post on social media—and this year I’m inviting you to join me. Let’s explore why this matters: the science of gratitude, how it influences our health, and how simple daily practice can ripple into our wellbeing and community.

Why Gratitude Matters: The Research Story

Gratitude is more than a feel-good notion. In psychological science it’s defined as “the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself; a general state of thankfulness and/or appreciation” (Wood, Joseph, Lloyd, & Atkins, 2009).

Here are several evidence-based benefits:

1. Mental & Emotional Wellbeing

Gratitude correlates with greater happiness, more positive emotions, and improved life satisfaction (Harvard Health, 2021).
A meta-analysis of 64 randomized trials found gratitude interventions led to significant improvements in mental health: fewer symptoms of anxiety (−7.8 %) and depression (−6.9 %) (Jans-Beken et al., 2022).
Gratitude writing specifically (vs. general expressive writing) decreased stress and negative affect in a one-month follow-up (Schanche et al., 2020).

2. Physical Health & Sleep

Gratitude is associated with better sleep quality, reduced fatigue, fewer physical symptoms, and improved cardiovascular markers (Harvard Health, 2024).
Individuals with higher dispositional gratitude report greater vitality, less anxiety, and better self-rated physical health (Hill & Roberts, 2011).

3. Brain, Body, and Neural Pathways

Neuroscientific work shows gratitude activates brain regions tied to reward, social bonding, and emotional regulation (Fox et al., 2015).
Gratitude journaling helps “rewire” the brain—shifting attention toward noticing positives and strengthening social connections (The Resilience Project, 2023).

4. Relationships & Community

Gratitude strengthens social ties. Expressing thanks signals that we’ve received value from someone else, fostering trust, connection, and prosocial behavior (Greater Good Science Center, 2016).
The ripple extends beyond the individual; by nurturing gratitude, we also nurture environments of appreciation, kindness, and resilience.

How This Matters for You — And for Us Together

As I share my daily “gratitude” posts throughout November with you, here’s what I’m inviting—and what you might discover:

Resilience under pressure. Life brings stress, uncertainty, pain—yet research shows gratitude buffers against anxiety, depressive symptoms, and even lowers physical complaints.
Foundational self-care. While we often think of self-care as what we do (exercise, essential oils, sleep routines), gratitude is what we become—an orientation, a noticing.
Embodied payoff. Better sleep, less fatigue, improved mood—these aren’t extras; they’re foundational to showing up fully in your life, relationships, and purpose.
Shared transformation. When you join the daily gratitude practice with me, we create a collective momentum—a shared shift toward noticing, naming, and appreciating the good. That communal energy amplifies the individual benefits.

How to Participate: A Simple Framework

Here’s how you can join in this year’s November gratitude journey—with flexibility built in so it fits you.

Download your free Gratitude Journal. (below)
Begin by downloading my Beyond Possibilities Gratitude Journal, designed to guide your daily reflections and deepen your awareness of what’s good in your life. It includes space for 3–10 daily gratitude entries, inspiring prompts, and weekly reflection pages. (Download link coming soon!)
Choose your medium.
Whether it’s your downloaded journal, a digital notes app, or a social-media post—pick the format you’ll stick with.
Keep it manageable.
Research suggests that recording 3 to 10 items per day tends to produce optimal benefits (more than 10 may dilute impact).
- For example: “I’m grateful today for…” followed by 3–5 things.
- You may also pick a theme of the day (health, connection, nature, small joys, acts of kindness).
Be honest & intentional.
Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring challenges—it means also noticing what’s good despite them. Authenticity matters more than perfection.
- A suggested prompt: “What happened today that I might normally overlook—and how did it matter?”
- Another: “Who made a difference for me today—and how can I thank them?”
Share the ripple.
Post what you’re grateful for on my daily gratitude post—either on LinkedIn or Facebook.
Join the conversation, celebrate others’ moments of gratitude, and invite friends or family to participate.
Or share on your own social media with the hashtag #BeyondGratitude to connect our growing community of thankfulness.
Reflect weekly.
At the end of each week in November, look back—What patterns emerge? What small things became big? What surprised you? This reflective pause deepens your practice and anchors your learning.

Gratitude Journal Download

Why This Year Feels Especially Right

Given the fullness of our lives—with our personal healing journeys, essential-oil routines, emotional body work, stress-management, and self-care practices—layering in a gratitude practice is like adding a powerful support beam under the rest of the structure. It doesn’t replace anything you’re doing; it helps everything you do work better.
Plus, once gratitude becomes a habit, its benefits persist and compound over time.

In Closing

I invite you to step into November together—each day noticing something you are grateful for, sharing it if you choose, and inviting others into the circle. Let’s watch how small moments of thanks can build into greater resilience, deeper joy, stronger relationships, and more vibrant health.

With heartfelt thanks for you—for showing up, for choosing healing, for being part of this community. Here’s to a month of gratitude, connection, and transformation.

References

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Fox, G. R., Kaplan, J., Damasio, H., & Damasio, A. (2015). Neural correlates of gratitude. Frontiers in Psychology, 6(1491). https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2015.01491
Greater Good Science Center. (2016). How gratitude changes you and your brain. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain
Harvard Health. (2021). Giving thanks can make you happier. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
Harvard Health. (2024). Gratitude enhances health, brings happiness — and may even lengthen lives. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gratitude-enhances-health-brings-happiness-and-may-even-lengthen-lives-202409113071
Hill, P. L., & Roberts, B. W. (2011). Examining the pathways between gratitude and self-rated physical health. Psychology & Health, 26(9), 1057–1072. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3489271/
Jans-Beken, L., et al. (2022). The effects of gratitude interventions: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10393216/
Schanche, E., et al. (2020). A brief gratitude writing intervention decreased stress and negative affect. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8867461/
The Resilience Project. (2023). Gratitude and the benefits of journaling. https://theresilienceproject.com.au/at-home/wellbeing-hub/gratitude-and-the-benefits-of-journaling/
Wood, A. M., Joseph, S., Lloyd, J., & Atkins, S. (2009). Gratitude influences sleep through the mechanism of pre-sleep cognitions. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 66(1), 43-48.

Energy Healing, Healing Journey, Health, Self-Discovery

Movement and Emotion: The Science of Feeling Through Motion

October 17, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Have you ever noticed how your body naturally moves with your emotions? You bounce when you’re happy, curl in when you’re sad, or tense your shoulders when you’re stressed. These patterns aren’t random — they reflect how the brain and body communicate through posture, physiology, and feeling. Research confirms what movement and healing traditions have long understood: movement changes emotion, and emotion changes movement.

Now, before I go too deep, you don’t have to overthink it. You can work through your emotions by simply putting on your favorite music and letting your body move to the music naturally. I also love doing AromaDance or Mindful Movement to move through my emotions.

The Somatic Basis of Emotion

Emotions aren’t only “in your head.” They’re embodied experiences involving the autonomic nervous system (ANS), muscle tone, breath, and interoception — our inner sense of how our body feels. When emotions are safely expressed through movement, the body can complete its stress cycle and return to balance. Movement therapies and somatic practices (e.g., gentle stretching, dance/movement therapy, rhythmic motion) have demonstrated reductions in cortisol, enhanced emotional regulation, and improvements in psychological well-being (Koch, Morlinghaus, & Fuchs, 2019; Wu, Li, & Zhang, 2023).

Joy: Expand, Express, Energize

Open-arm reach / chest opening
Expanding posture (arms wide, chest lifted) increases lung volume, influences the balance of sympathetic and parasympathetic tone, and signals openness and approach behavior — postures correlated with higher positive affect (e.g. expanded posture studies).

Light bounce / small hops
Gentle vertical bouncing raises endorphins and dopamine and stimulates spinal and vestibular systems for autonomic regulation.

Playful skipping / side-step
Rhythmic side-to-side locomotion with arm swing boosts mood, supports motor coordination, and taps into play systems.

Wiggle / spontaneous dance
Free, irregular movement (hips, torso, shoulders) enhances body awareness (interoception), modulates autonomic tone, and can increase positive affect (Koch et al., 2019).

Shake / tremor (gentle, spontaneous)
Small tremors or shakes help discharge stored motor tension and reduce autonomic hyperarousal, as in trauma-release (TRE) approaches.

Roll (gentle floor roll → stand)
Rolling shifts vestibular input and proprioceptive orientation, helping interrupt stuck tension patterns and inviting fluidity in the body.

Fear & Anxiety: Grounding, Soothing, Calming

Tap / hum
Gentle tapping or humming engages vagal pathways (via vibration) and supports parasympathetic activation, helping calm high arousal states.

Squeeze / hold (self-hug)
Applying gentle compression through a self-hug or forearm hold reduces cortisol and signals safety through proprioceptive feedback.

Sway / reach
Slow pendular motion with gentle arm reach soothes the vestibular system and offers predictable sensory input, helping regulate hyperarousal.

Sadness / Grief / Shame: Nurturing, Soothing, Softening

Brush / self-hug (gentle stroking)
Slow, affective touch activates C-tactile afferents associated with oxytocin release and supports calming networks.

Rock / squeeze (gentle rocking)
Rocking or gentle compressive movement engages vestibular regulatory systems, offering a soothing rhythm and containment for emotional processing.

Anger / Frustration: Safe Release, Grounding Power

Tense → release (clench / relax)
Voluntary muscle contraction followed by release modulates muscle spindle activity and helps the nervous system downregulate from tension.

Stomp / ground (foot strike)
Energetic foot strikes provide strong proprioceptive feedback and anchor excess energy into the ground, giving a sense of boundary.

Slam / push (controlled directional force)
Using controlled push or strike against a safe surface (e.g., wall, pillow) enables expression of force while reducing internal pressure and reactivity.

Peace / Calm / Confidence: Stabilizing & Centering

Ground / connect (rooted stance)
Soft squats, weight awareness in feet/ankles, and slow shifts help reestablish bodily stability and downregulate sympathetic tone.

Rest / restorative posture
Lying down with deep, diaphragmatic breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and promotes parasympathetic recovery.

Center / mindful micro-movement
Very gentle motions (neck rolls, shoulder circles) enhance interoceptive clarity and soothe the system, supporting self-regulation.

Pain / Fatigue / Recovery: Soothing, Flowing, Releasing

Settle / breathe (long exhale + micro shifts)
Slow, extended exhales paired with small posture adjustments relieve muscle guarding and support relaxation.

Ground / connect (light motion)
Gentle walking or standing awareness improves circulation and sensory grounding — beneficial for fatigue and mild pain.

Stretch / yawn / gentle mobilization
Stretching or yawning modulates muscle spindle feedback and encourages relaxation and renewed energy.

Why Somatic Movement Works

Interoception & emotional regulation: Improving body awareness strengthens emotion regulation capacity.
Rhythm & vestibular input: Repetitive movements (sway, rock, bounce) help regulate the autonomic nervous system.
Vocal + breath stimulation: Humming, sighing, and extended exhalation activate vagal pathways.
Free movement & dance: Encourages fluidity, creativity, and improved affect regulation (Koch et al., 2019; Wu et al., 2023).

Final Thoughts

Our feelings naturally manifest in the body. By intentionally choosing movement that mirrors or completes those expressions, we can help the body return to balance. Whether it’s a joyful stretch, a grounding stomp, or a slow restorative breath, each movement is a doorway to recalibration and liberation.

References

Dreisörner, A., & Junker, N. M. (2022). Self-soothing touch and being hugged reduce cortisol responses to stress: A randomized controlled trial on stress, physical touch, and social identity. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 157, 110847. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2022.110847

Eckstein, M., Kämmerer, D., Knafo, S., & Heinrichs, M. (2020). Calming effects of touch in human, animal, and robotic social interactions. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 11, Article 567. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7672023/

Koch, S. C., Morlinghaus, K., & Fuchs, T. (2019). Effects of dance/movement therapy and dance on health-related psychological outcomes: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, Article 1806. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01806/full

Lindgren, L. (2012). Emotional and physiological responses to touch massage (Doctoral dissertation, Umeå University). Umeå University Repository. https://www.diva-portal.org/smash/get/diva2%3A568111/fulltext01.pdf

Packheiser, J., et al. (2024). A systematic review and multivariate meta-analysis of touch interventions: Effects on cortisol, pain, anxiety, and more. Nature Human Behaviour. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-024-01841-8

Wu, J., Li, Y., & Zhang, T. (2023). Effects of dance movement interventions on psychological health in older adults: A meta-analysis and systematic review. Brain Sciences, 13(7), 981. https://www.mdpi.com/2076-3425/13/7/981

Family Life Education, Self-Discovery

The Human Growth Cycle: Living in a State of Continual Becoming

October 14, 2025October 9, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Growth isn’t something that stops when we graduate or reach a milestone—it’s a lifelong rhythm that mirrors our natural cycles of expansion, integration, rest, and renewal. Just like the body adapts through training, the mind and spirit also move through seasons of growth, consolidation, and restoration. When we stay open to learning, evolving, and becoming, we honor both our biology and our potential.

The Science of Lifelong Growth

Research in human development and neuroplasticity shows that growth is not a linear path but a cyclical process (Baltes et al., 1980; Diekelmann & Born, 2010). Just as muscles strengthen through challenge and recovery, our minds expand through new learning, reflection, and rest. Each phase prepares us for the next, creating a sustainable rhythm for continual self-development.

This pattern—growth, consolidation, rest, and re-growth—can be seen across the lifespan when we maintain a growth-oriented mindset. Whether we’re learning a new skill, developing emotional intelligence, or pursuing higher education, this rhythm helps us balance ambition with integration and well-being.

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset: The Foundation for Lifelong Learning

Psychologist Carol Dweck (2006) describes two primary ways we approach our potential: a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

A fixed mindset believes that abilities, intelligence, or talent are static. People with this mindset often avoid challenges, fear mistakes, and interpret setbacks as signs of inadequacy.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, understands that skills and intelligence can be developed with effort, perseverance, and learning. People with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities and see feedback as a pathway to mastery.

Adopting a growth mindset doesn’t mean we never experience doubt—it means we stay curious and committed through it. For example, as I work toward my Bachelor’s in Human and Family Services, I’ve learned that real growth happens when I’m willing to be a beginner again—to learn, unlearn, and relearn. Each assignment or new theory isn’t just information; it’s an opportunity to stretch how I think, connect, and serve others more deeply.

In short: a fixed mindset seeks to prove itself. A growth mindset seeks to improve itself.

Putting the Science into Practice

Growth becomes sustainable when we intentionally cycle through learning, reflection, and renewal. Here’s how to make that rhythm work for you:

Plan a Growth Block:
Start by choosing a clear, measurable goal that stretches you. It could be completing a major course, earning a certification, or building a wellness practice. During this time, dedicate focus and consistency—track your progress and celebrate effort as much as outcome. (Dweck, 2006; Schoenfeld et al., 2019).

Schedule a Consolidation Phase:
After a period of intense focus, shift into integration. Reflect on what you’ve learned and apply it to real-life experiences. For instance, I weave what I’m learning academically into my holistic coaching and educational work. This phase allows the brain to consolidate neural connections and solidify new habits (Diekelmann & Born, 2010; Marzola et al., 2023).

Take a Rest and Maintenance Season:
Prioritize recovery. Protect your sleep, connection, and self-care. This is not “losing momentum”—it’s giving your body and mind time to absorb and adapt. Chronic overextension increases stress load and decreases creativity (McEwen, 1998).

(This is also the area that I need to work on. Recovery, rest, and self-care are not selfish or lazy; they are necessary mentally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically.)

Repeat with Intention:
When your energy renews, begin the next growth cycle with purpose. Continual learning keeps your life vibrant and aligned. Every new goal builds upon the foundation of the last (Baltes et al., 1980).

Your Personal Growth Cycle – Sample Timeline

Living in a State of Becoming

When we embrace a growth mindset, we see every season of life—whether it’s success, stillness, or struggle—as part of an evolving pattern. We’re not meant to stay in constant motion; we’re meant to grow, consolidate, rest, and rise again—wiser, steadier, and more aligned with who we’re becoming.

Continual learning isn’t just an academic goal—it’s a lifestyle of possibility.

I am excited to start applying this new awareness to my life, particularly in the areas of rest and recovery. As part of my next growth block, I am going to dive a little deeper into the Protective and Damaging Effects of Stress Mediators by Bruce S. McEwen, Ph.D. (McEwen, 1998).

References

Baltes, P. B., Reese, H. W., & Lipsitt, L. P. (1980). Life-span developmental psychology. Annual Review of Psychology, 31(1), 65–110. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.ps.31.020180.000433

Diekelmann, S., & Born, J. (2010). The memory function of sleep. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 11(2), 114–126. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn2762

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

Marzola, E., et al. (2023). Neuroplasticity and learning: Integrating memory consolidation and behavioral change. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 17, 112–128. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnbeh.2023.1102208

McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators. New England Journal of Medicine, 338(3), 171–179. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJM199801153380307

Schoenfeld, B. J., Grgic, J., & Krieger, J. W. (2019). How many times per week should a muscle be trained to maximize muscle hypertrophy? Sports Medicine, 49(7), 1337–1355. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40279-019-01175-1

Family Life Education, Making a Difference, Self-Discovery

Building Bridges: Understanding Family Communication Styles

September 15, 2025September 23, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Communication is at the heart of every family relationship. It’s how we express love, set boundaries, and navigate challenges together. Yet, as our children grow—from tweens discovering independence, to teens testing limits, to young adults stepping into the world—communication often becomes one of the trickiest parts of parenting.

Whether you’re trying to get an 11-year-old to clean up their room, discussing curfew with a 16-year-old, or respecting the independence of your 22-year-old, the way you communicate can either strengthen connection or create distance.

Why Communication Matters

Research consistently shows that strong family communication builds resilience, reduces conflict, and helps children thrive emotionally (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017; Busby & Chiu, 2017). For parents, good communication creates more cooperation at home and a deeper sense of trust—even during tough conversations.

The challenge? Not every style of communication is equally effective.

The Four Common Communication Styles

Communication can be mapped across two dimensions: openness of communication (how honestly we share) and consideration for others (how much we respect another’s needs). Together, these create four styles:

Aggressive – Open but lacking respect for others.
Passive – Respectful but withholding feelings or needs.
Passive-Aggressive – Indirect, masking frustration with sarcasm or avoidance.
Assertive – Honest and open while still considering others.

Most of us use a mix of these styles depending on stress, habits, or circumstances. But the healthiest families lean on assertive communication, because it balances honesty with respect.

Real-Life Examples

To bring these styles to life, here are a few parent–child situations across the tween-to-twenty spectrum:

Aggressive (Teen): Your 16-year-old comes home past curfew. You yell, “You’re completely irresponsible!”
Passive (Young Adult): Your 24-year-old borrows your car and returns it on empty. You say, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” while stewing inside.
Passive-Aggressive (Teen): Your 15-year-old forgets chores. You mutter, “Guess I’m the maid in this house,” while slamming the trash down.
Assertive (Tween): Your 12-year-old resists homework. You say, “I know you’re tired, but this needs to be finished. Let’s set a timer and take breaks.”

Can you see how each style affects the relationship differently?

Takeaway for Parents

There’s no such thing as perfect communication, but being aware of how you’re communicating is the first step. Ask yourself:

Am I being honest about my needs and feelings?
Am I showing respect for my child’s needs, even as they grow more independent?
Do I shift my approach when talking to my 11-year-old versus my 21-year-old?

The goal isn’t to avoid conflict—it’s to handle it in ways that build trust and connection.

Try This at Home

This week, pay attention to one interaction with your child. Notice your communication style in the moment. If it’s not assertive, pause and reframe your words. For example:

Instead of: “You never listen to me!”
Try: “I feel frustrated when I have to repeat myself. Can we figure out a better way to handle reminders?”

Small shifts like this can change the whole tone of family life.

Final Thoughts

Parenting tweens through twenties is a balancing act of guidance, boundaries, and letting go. Communication is the bridge that carries us through these stages. By becoming aware of your style—and choosing assertiveness more often—you’ll nurture respect, trust, and connection with your children at every age.

Whether you attended our recent family communication class or are simply exploring on your own, this resource is here to remind you: the way you speak shapes the way your family thrives.

Communication Journal Download