relationships – Beyond Possibilities

There’s a moment every couple remembers—the season when connection felt effortless, laughter came easily, and love felt alive in every interaction. Over time, responsibilities grow, routines settle in, and that spark can feel quieter. Yet relationship science offers reassuring truth: love does not fade because it is meant to—love shifts when it is no longer intentionally nurtured.

Research consistently shows that the qualities we associate with “falling in love” are not accidents of timing. They are the result of shared experiences, emotional responsiveness, novelty, and intentional connection—all of which can be restored and strengthened, even years into marriage.

Remembering Why You Fell in Love

Early romantic love is marked by curiosity, excitement, shared discovery, and emotional closeness. The self-expansion model of close relationships explains that people feel more connected and satisfied when they engage in novel, activating activities together, expanding their sense of self through shared experiences (self-expansion as defined and supported by research on couples’ conjoint activity engagement; see Debrot et al., 2013; and affective experience sampling research by Reis et al., 2004). In other words, the very activities that helped partners connect early in their relationship—trying new things, laughing together, exploring life side by side—are foundational to ongoing connection.

As life becomes more predictable, many couples unintentionally shift from intentional connection to functional partnership. While teamwork is important, studies show that relationships thrive when couples continue to engage in shared experiences that evoke positive affect, increase activation, and promote closeness (Reis et al., 2004), rather than just daily obligation.

Remembering why you fell in love is less about revisiting the past and more about re-creating the conditions that allowed love to flourish in the first place.

Rekindling the Spark Isn’t Accidental—It’s Intentional

The idea of “keeping the spark alive” is often romanticized, but research frames it through the lens of relationship maintenance behaviors—intentional actions couples take to sustain closeness, satisfaction, and emotional connection. Expressing appreciation, offering reassurance, communicating openly, sharing affection, and spending quality time together are all forms of relational maintenance that predict long-term satisfaction and stability.

These maintenance behaviors are not just feel-good exercises; they are mechanisms through which partners communicate responsiveness and commitment, supporting emotional intimacy and mutual trust over time. Partners who engage in these behaviors tend to experience higher relationship satisfaction and emotional closeness, even amid life’s complications.

Emotional intimacy grows through responsiveness—feeling seen, heard, and valued by your partner. Structured couple-level research indicates that interventions which increase emotional availability and reduce defensive patterns correspond with improvements in intimacy and relationship satisfaction, reinforcing the idea that closeness is cultivated through compassionate interaction rather than coincidence.

Why Dating Still Matters in Marriage

Dating doesn’t end at “I do.” In fact, it becomes even more important.

Intentional couple time—often described as date nights or shared leisure activities—functions as a powerful relationship maintenance tool. When partners devote quality time to one another outside of chores, schedules, and obligations, they reinforce the friendship and emotional connection at the core of their bond. Research linking shared activities with positive relationship outcomes shows that partners who engage in exciting or activating experiences together report increased relationship satisfaction and affective connection, suggesting that these moments of shared joy and novelty contribute meaningfully to ongoing relational quality.

Dating doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. What matters most is intentional presence—choosing one another again and again, even in the midst of life’s demands.

Gratitude Over Attitude: A Foundation for Connection

In the midst of busy schedules and daily stressors, it can be easy to let frustration speak louder than appreciation. Yet gratitude is one of the most powerful relational resets available. Longitudinal research shows that gratitude motivates reciprocal maintenance behaviors: feeling appreciated by a partner increases one’s responsiveness to a partner’s needs, which in turn nourishes relationship stability and satisfaction over time (Algoe et al., 2010; overall evidence on gratitude and relationship maintenance).

Feeling genuinely appreciated also buffers couples against negative communication patterns and stress, protecting relationship quality even when conflict arises. Simply put, when partners consistently express and perceive gratitude, they are more likely to maintain behaviors that support intimacy and interdependence.

Keeping the Spark Alive: A Gentle Reframe

From a scientific perspective, love is not something we lose—it’s something we stop feeding. When couples prioritize shared joy, emotional safety, appreciation, and meaningful connection, satisfaction and intimacy grow. Rekindling the spark doesn’t mean going backward—it means moving forward together with awareness and choice.

At Beyond Possibilities, we believe relationships thrive when they are tended with compassion, curiosity, and intention.

Love is not a moment.
It is a practice.
And it is always within reach.

Essential Oils to Support Trust, Emotional Connection, and Intimacy*

Healthy relationships are not built on chemistry alone—they are cultivated through emotional safety, trust, and intentional presence. When the nervous system feels calm and supported, it becomes easier to connect, communicate, and experience closeness on a deeper level.

Aromatherapy has been widely explored for its influence on mood, emotional regulation, and stress response. These factors directly affect how we show up in our relationships—especially during moments of vulnerability, conflict, or emotional fatigue. While essential oils are not a replacement for communication or relational work, they can serve as supportive tools that help create an environment where connection feels safer and more accessible.

When used aromatically, doTERRA® pure tested grade essential oils can become part of shared rituals—such as evening wind-down routines, intentional conversations, or date nights—helping shift the body and mind into a more receptive, present state.

Supporting Trust & Emotional Safety

Trust begins when the body feels safe. Oils that promote calm, grounding, and emotional regulation can support a sense of stability and reassurance—especially for those navigating stress, past experiences, or emotional walls.

Lavender

Lavender is one of the most researched essential oils for relaxation and emotional calm. Aromatically, it is commonly used to support restfulness and soothe heightened emotional states. When tension softens, conversations often feel less reactive and more open.

Best used: Diffused during quiet evenings, before meaningful conversations, or as part of a bedtime ritual.

doTERRA Balance® Grounding Blend

Balance® combines grounding woods and resins traditionally associated with stability and emotional centering. Aromatic use may support feelings of calm and equilibrium, which can help partners feel more emotionally anchored during moments of uncertainty or stress.

Best used: Diffused before difficult discussions or applied aromatically during moments when emotional regulation is needed.

Frankincense

Often associated with mindfulness and reflection, Frankincense is used aromatically to promote a sense of peace and emotional awareness. It can support intentional presence—helping individuals slow down and truly listen.

Best used: During intentional connection time, prayer, meditation, or reflective conversations.

Birch

Birch is traditionally associated with renewal, resilience, and emotional release. Aromatically, it is often used to support letting go of emotional burdens, rigidity, or lingering stress that can create emotional distance in relationships. Birch may be especially supportive when trust has been strained and the body is holding onto protective tension.

By encouraging emotional flexibility and a sense of internal reset, Birch can help create space for forgiveness, rebuilding trust, and moving forward together.

Best used:
Diffused during moments of emotional repair, after difficult conversations, or when working through lingering emotional weight from past experiences.

Supporting Emotional Connection

Emotional connection grows when individuals feel emotionally open, seen, and understood. Oils that uplift mood and encourage emotional expression may help soften emotional distance and promote warmth.

Bergamot

Bergamot is known for its bright, citrus aroma with calming undertones. Aromatically, it is often used to promote emotional balance and reduce feelings of overwhelm, creating space for lighter, more open interaction.

Best used: Diffused during shared activities or casual connection time to support a relaxed, positive atmosphere.

Wild Orange

Wild Orange is uplifting and energizing, commonly used to promote positive mood and emotional optimism. It can help shift heavy emotional states into a more playful, connected energy.

Best used: During daytime connection, shared laughter, or when emotional heaviness feels present.

Rose

Rose is often associated with compassion, emotional openness, and nurturing connection. Aromatically, it may support feelings of love, tenderness, and emotional closeness—particularly when vulnerability feels challenging.

Best used: During intentional connection rituals or moments of emotional sharing.

Supporting Intimacy & Closeness

Intimacy thrives when stress is reduced and emotional presence is increased. Oils that promote relaxation, sensual awareness, and emotional softness can help couples reconnect in meaningful ways.

Ylang Ylang

Ylang Ylang is traditionally used to support relaxation and emotional balance. Aromatically, it may help release tension and encourage a sense of ease and openness, supporting both emotional and physical closeness.

Best used: Diffused during date nights, evening wind-down routines, or intentional intimacy time.

Sandalwood

Sandalwood is grounding and calming, often associated with emotional depth and mindfulness. Aromatic use can support presence and emotional awareness, helping partners feel more connected and engaged.

Best used: During slow, intentional moments of connection or relaxation.

Creating Intentional Connection Rituals

The power of essential oils in relationships is not about the scent alone—it is about intention and presence. When oils are used intentionally, they become cues for pause, mindfulness, and emotional availability.

Simple rituals might include:

Diffusing a chosen oil during weekly check-ins
Using a calming blend before important conversations
Creating a shared evening routine to unwind together
Pairing aromatherapy with breathwork, prayer, or reflection

These moments reinforce emotional safety and trust by signaling to the nervous system that it is safe to slow down and connect.

*The information provided is for educational purposes only. doTERRA essential oils are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Individual experiences may vary.

References (APA 7)

Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01233.x

Debrot, A., Schoebi, D., Perrez, M., & Horn, A. B. (2013). Self-expansion and flow in couples’ momentary experiences: An experience sampling study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18729702

Algoe, S. B., & Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). The social functions of the emotion of gratitude via expression. Emotion, 13(4), 605–609. (Referenced within relational gratitude literature)

(To strengthen your post, you may add further specific citations on relationship maintenance behaviors and emotional intimacy from your own library or other peer-reviewed sources.)

Family Life Education, Self-Discovery

Putting It All Together: Awareness, Word Choice, and Trust in Family Communication

October 8, 2025October 8, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Family communication is often the heartbeat of connection. The words we choose, the tone we use, and even the body language we convey can either build bridges or create distance within our homes. While it’s easy to get swept up in the rush of daily life, learning to pause, reflect, and intentionally communicate can transform how our families relate to one another.

In previous blogs, we’ve explored the foundations of awareness, trust, and word choice in communication. Now, it’s time to put it all together — to take what we’ve learned and use it in real moments with those we love most.

Awareness: The Power of Pausing Before We Speak

Awareness is like turning on a light in a dark room. It helps us see clearly what’s really happening — both within ourselves and in the conversation unfolding before us. When parents recognize their emotional state before speaking, research shows they communicate more calmly, which encourages calmer responses from their children as well (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017).

Before reacting to a situation — like a teenager missing curfew or a spouse forgetting to follow through — pause and check in with yourself. What emotion is surfacing? What need might be underneath that emotion?

Tools like Mel Robbins’ “5 Second Rule” (counting backward 5-4-3-2-1 before responding) can interrupt reactive thought patterns and help you respond from a place of calm intention. This practice of mindful awareness creates space for empathy to guide our words rather than frustration.

Word Choice: Creating Openness Through Language

Words carry energy. The difference between “Why are you always late?” and “I’m concerned you’re running behind — is there something you need help with?” is the difference between accusation and understanding.

Studies consistently show that positive word choice improves family connection and strengthens relationships over time (Family Strengths: Communication, 2020). Using “I-statements” is one of the simplest and most effective ways to do this. Instead of blaming or labeling, “I-statements” express feelings and needs without placing the other person on the defensive (The Importance of “I-Statements in Relationships,” n.d.).

For example:

“I feel worried when I don’t hear from you. Can we agree that you’ll text when you arrive home?”

That small shift creates collaboration rather than confrontation — and the tone of the conversation shifts from tension to teamwork.

Trust: Built in the Everyday Moments

Trust is not built in grand gestures — it’s built in consistency. Every small, respectful interaction lays a foundation for emotional safety and belonging. Research from Ouyang and Cheung (2023) found that when parents foster trust and model emotional regulation, young adults experience fewer depressive symptoms and stronger family bonds.

Nonverbal cues like tone, posture, and facial expressions often speak louder than words (Winsberg, 2022). When we model openness, children learn that vulnerability is safe. This kind of safety allows our teens and young adults to develop independence while still feeling supported — a balance essential for healthy family dynamics (Busby & Chiu, 2017).

It’s easy to overlook these small daily exchanges, but they are the building blocks of resilient relationships. As one review from Precision Family Therapy (2025) put it, strong communication nurtures empathy, mutual respect, and adaptability — qualities that make families thrive even through challenges.

Putting It Into Practice

Imagine this scenario: your 17-year-old borrowed the car and didn’t text when they got home.

Your instinct might be to say, “You never think about how worried I get!” But instead, you pause. You take a deep breath. You recognize that your reaction comes from fear, not anger.

Then you reframe:

“When I don’t hear from you, I worry because I care about your safety. How can we make a plan that works for both of us?”

This reframe integrates awareness (of your own emotions), word choice (using “I-statements”), and trust (inviting collaboration). The result? Connection instead of conflict.

Growth, Not Perfection

Improving communication is not about mastering perfection — it’s about making consistent, small shifts that ripple through our relationships. Each mindful pause, thoughtful phrase, and intentional act of trust brings us closer together.

As Forever Families (2020) beautifully explains, communication is both a skill and a reflection of love — one that strengthens every time we choose understanding over reaction.

So, take a moment today to reflect:

How can you pause more often before responding?
What words can you reframe to express care instead of criticism?
Where might trust need a little rebuilding — or acknowledgment?

Awareness opens understanding.
Word choice opens dialogue.
And trust opens hearts.

Communication Journal 3 Download

References (APA 7th Edition)

Alejandra, A. M., & Kataoka, S. (2017). Family communication styles and resilience among adolescents. Social Work, 62(3), 261–269. https://doi.org/10.2307/44652409

Busby, D. M., & Hsin-Yao Chiu, L. (2017). Perceived conflict styles of adult children and their parents: What is the connection? Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(12), 3412–3424. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0839-9

Family Strengths: Communication. (2020). Forever Families. https://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/family-strengths-communication

Ouyang, Q., & Cheung, R. Y. M. (2023). Mother–child versus father–child conflict and emerging adults’ depressive symptoms: The role of trust in parents and maladaptive emotional regulation. Journal of Adult Development, 30(2), 145–157. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-022-09431-1

Precision Family Therapy. (2025). The role of communication in strengthening family bonds. https://www.precisionfamilytherapy.com/post/the-role-of-communication-in-strengthening-family-bonds

The Importance of “I-Statements” in Relationships. (n.d.). Tony Robbins. https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/words-matter-you-vs-i

Winsberg, M. (2022). Speaking in Thumbs. Doubleday.

Family Life Education, Making a Difference, Self-Discovery

Building Bridges: Understanding Family Communication Styles

September 15, 2025September 23, 2025 Beyond Possibilities

Communication is at the heart of every family relationship. It’s how we express love, set boundaries, and navigate challenges together. Yet, as our children grow—from tweens discovering independence, to teens testing limits, to young adults stepping into the world—communication often becomes one of the trickiest parts of parenting.

Whether you’re trying to get an 11-year-old to clean up their room, discussing curfew with a 16-year-old, or respecting the independence of your 22-year-old, the way you communicate can either strengthen connection or create distance.

Why Communication Matters

Research consistently shows that strong family communication builds resilience, reduces conflict, and helps children thrive emotionally (Alejandra & Kataoka, 2017; Busby & Chiu, 2017). For parents, good communication creates more cooperation at home and a deeper sense of trust—even during tough conversations.

The challenge? Not every style of communication is equally effective.

The Four Common Communication Styles

Communication can be mapped across two dimensions: openness of communication (how honestly we share) and consideration for others (how much we respect another’s needs). Together, these create four styles:

Aggressive – Open but lacking respect for others.
Passive – Respectful but withholding feelings or needs.
Passive-Aggressive – Indirect, masking frustration with sarcasm or avoidance.
Assertive – Honest and open while still considering others.

Most of us use a mix of these styles depending on stress, habits, or circumstances. But the healthiest families lean on assertive communication, because it balances honesty with respect.

Real-Life Examples

To bring these styles to life, here are a few parent–child situations across the tween-to-twenty spectrum:

Aggressive (Teen): Your 16-year-old comes home past curfew. You yell, “You’re completely irresponsible!”
Passive (Young Adult): Your 24-year-old borrows your car and returns it on empty. You say, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” while stewing inside.
Passive-Aggressive (Teen): Your 15-year-old forgets chores. You mutter, “Guess I’m the maid in this house,” while slamming the trash down.
Assertive (Tween): Your 12-year-old resists homework. You say, “I know you’re tired, but this needs to be finished. Let’s set a timer and take breaks.”

Can you see how each style affects the relationship differently?

Takeaway for Parents

There’s no such thing as perfect communication, but being aware of how you’re communicating is the first step. Ask yourself:

Am I being honest about my needs and feelings?
Am I showing respect for my child’s needs, even as they grow more independent?
Do I shift my approach when talking to my 11-year-old versus my 21-year-old?

The goal isn’t to avoid conflict—it’s to handle it in ways that build trust and connection.

Try This at Home

This week, pay attention to one interaction with your child. Notice your communication style in the moment. If it’s not assertive, pause and reframe your words. For example:

Instead of: “You never listen to me!”
Try: “I feel frustrated when I have to repeat myself. Can we figure out a better way to handle reminders?”

Small shifts like this can change the whole tone of family life.

Final Thoughts

Parenting tweens through twenties is a balancing act of guidance, boundaries, and letting go. Communication is the bridge that carries us through these stages. By becoming aware of your style—and choosing assertiveness more often—you’ll nurture respect, trust, and connection with your children at every age.

Whether you attended our recent family communication class or are simply exploring on your own, this resource is here to remind you: the way you speak shapes the way your family thrives.

Communication Journal Download

Tag: relationships

Remembering Why You Fell in Love: Rekindling the Spark and Keeping It Alive