Sometimes growth isn’t about trying harder. It’s about learning what works, recognizing what doesn’t, and remaining open to what comes next.
I used to get discouraged easily when something I was working on didn’t work.
I would get excited about an idea, invest my time and energy, and imagine the possibilities. When things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, I often struggled with disappointment. It was easy to focus on what hadn’t worked rather than what I could learn from the experience.
But I’m learning to approach things differently.
I’m learning to see the opportunities for growth in the things that don’t go as planned. I’m learning that I can be disappointed without giving up on myself, change direction without abandoning my vision, and let go of an approach without losing sight of what matters to me.
I’m learning to fail forward.
And recently, I’ve had a few opportunities to practice exactly that.
When an Idea Comes From the Heart
Throughout October and November, I share daily gratitude posts. Gratitude has been an important part of my life for many years. I journal about the things I’m grateful for, sometimes writing down three things and sometimes ten or more.
I believe there is value in pausing to recognize the good in our lives, even when life feels difficult.
This year, I became excited about taking that gratitude practice a step further by introducing Gratitude Tag.
My hope was to create an opportunity for people to connect, share what they were grateful for, encourage one another, and experience a little more community.
I wanted to create something that brought people together.
Just people, gratitude, and the opportunity to connect.
But the participation hasn’t happened the way I hoped.
I’ve decided that I won’t continue Gratitude Tag, but I will continue sharing my daily gratitude posts through the end of November.
And here’s the thing: I’m learning that making this decision doesn’t mean I’ve failed.
It means I’ve tried something new, paid attention to the response, reflected on the experience, and made a decision about what makes sense moving forward.
Sometimes failing forward means recognizing what isn’t working and giving yourself permission to try something different.
The Part That’s More Personal: I Miss Connection
There is another part of this experience that I want to be honest about.
I work from home, virtually. Other than hockey, I don’t have much of a social life right now.
I miss being connected with people.
I miss the conversations, the shared experiences, the laughter, and the simple feeling of being part of something with others. I miss opportunities to connect beyond the work I do and the responsibilities that fill my days.
And I think that is part of why I became so excited about Gratitude Tag.
It wasn’t only about sharing gratitude. It was also about creating a space where people could come together.
I wanted to offer something positive, but I also wanted the opportunity to experience connection.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that.
Sometimes we create things because we see a need in the world. Sometimes we create them because they reflect something we value or something we want to share. And sometimes our ideas are connected to our own hopes, longings, and needs, too.
For me, Gratitude Tag brought those things together.
When people didn’t participate, I had to acknowledge that the experience wasn’t becoming what I had envisioned.
That can be disappointing, especially when the idea comes from a genuine desire to connect.
But I don’t want to interpret the lack of participation as a statement about my worth, the value of gratitude, or whether meaningful connection is possible.
I don’t know why people didn’t join in. There could be many reasons, and I don’t need to assume that their response—or lack of response—is a judgment of me.
I can simply recognize that this particular approach hasn’t worked as I hoped.
And then I can decide what to do with that information.
The Plan Versus the Reality: When the Road Isn’t Straight
Have you ever made a plan that looked so simple on paper?
You could see where you were starting, where you wanted to go, and all the steps you needed to take to get there. You pictured yourself moving from one milestone to the next until you reached your goal.
A straight line from the beginning to the end.
That’s how I often imagine my plans.
I want to build something meaningful, create a clear path, follow the steps, and see the results of my efforts. Whether I’m developing Beyond Possibilities Mindful Healing, trying a new idea like Gratitude Tag, or working toward personal goals, I can picture how I want things to unfold.
But life doesn’t always follow the plan.
We make plans for straight lines, but growth often happens in the loops, zigzags, and detours. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s learning, adjusting, and continuing forward.
The reality often looks more like loops, zigzags, detours, and unexpected roadblocks.
Sometimes I move forward. Sometimes I need to stop and figure something out. Sometimes I discover that the approach I thought would work doesn’t. Sometimes I have to go back, learn something new, ask for help, or change direction.
And sometimes I feel disappointed along the way.
Looking at the difference between the straight line I imagine and the winding road I actually travel reminds me of something important: progress doesn’t have to be a straight line to be progress.
A detour doesn’t automatically mean I’m lost.
A roadblock doesn’t mean I can’t reach my destination.
And changing my route doesn’t mean I have abandoned my goal.
Sometimes the detour teaches me something I wouldn’t have learned if everything had gone according to plan. Sometimes asking for help moves me forward in ways I couldn’t manage alone. Sometimes the experience helps me realize that I need to adjust my expectations or reconsider what success looks like.
The loops and zigzags are not always wasted time. They can be part of the learning process.
Of course, not every setback has a hidden purpose, and not every challenge needs to be romanticized. Sometimes things are simply difficult. Sometimes we need rest, support, or a different strategy.
But even then, we can choose how we respond.
We can use what we’ve learned to decide what comes next.
The goal isn’t to avoid every wrong turn. It’s to become more willing to learn from the journey instead of judging ourselves for not having a perfect map.
Failing Forward: Learning What Works and What Doesn’t
We often talk about success as though it means getting things right the first time.
We celebrate the finished project, the goal achieved, the idea that takes off, or the moment when everything finally comes together.
But what about everything that happens before that?
What about the ideas we try that don’t gain momentum? The projects that need to be reworked? The skills we haven’t developed yet? The times we discover that our original plan isn’t the best way to reach our goal?
Those experiences are part of growth, too.
I’ve been working to bring Beyond Possibilities Mindful Healing to life on my website, including creating a login experience so that people who purchase the program can access it.
I’ve put time, thought, and effort into making this happen, but I haven’t been able to get everything working as intended.
In the past, I might have become discouraged and started questioning whether I could do it.
Now, I’m trying to approach the situation with a different mindset.
What have I learned? What needs to change? Is there another tool or approach I could use? Do I need help from someone with different technical skills?
The goal hasn’t disappeared just because my current approach hasn’t worked.
The same principle applies to Gratitude Tag.
I tried an idea. I had hopes for what it could become. The participation wasn’t there, so I’m choosing not to continue that particular activity.
I can still share gratitude. I can still create opportunities for encouragement. I can still look for ways to connect with others.
I don’t have to keep doing something simply because I started it.
And I don’t have to label an experience a failure simply because it didn’t produce the outcome I wanted.
Failing forward is about using what we learn from an experience to make more intentional decisions about what comes next.
It is about being willing to experiment, reflect, adjust, and grow.
Sometimes we move forward by trying again. Sometimes we move forward by changing direction. Sometimes we move forward by recognizing that we need something different.
All of those can be steps toward growth.
This Is a Chapter, Not My Whole Story
One of the things I keep reminding myself is that this is a season of my life—a chapter in my story.
Right now, I work virtually from home. My opportunities for social connection are limited, and I miss that part of life. Some of the things I try won’t work out as I imagined. Some goals will take longer than I expected. Some ideas will lead me somewhere different from where I originally intended to go.
But this chapter is not my entire story.
My circumstances today don’t determine what every tomorrow will look like.
I can acknowledge what is missing without losing sight of what is possible. I can recognize the limitations of my current season while remaining open to new opportunities. I can appreciate what I have today while continuing to work toward the life I want to create.
I don’t know exactly what the next chapter will hold.
I do know that I want to keep learning, growing, connecting, and becoming.
I want to continue developing Beyond Possibilities Mindful Healing. I want to keep sharing messages that uplift, inspire, empower, and educate. I want to discover new ways to connect with people and build meaningful relationships.
And I want to remain open to the possibility that some of those opportunities may come from experiences that don’t work out the way I initially planned.
Sometimes an idea teaches us something about our audience. Sometimes an experience teaches us something about ourselves. Sometimes a disappointment helps us recognize a need we hadn’t fully acknowledged.
The important thing is to remain willing to learn.
I can be honest about where I am today without deciding that this is where I will always be.
I can feel disappointed about what hasn’t happened while remaining hopeful about what may happen next.
I can honor this chapter without assuming I already know how the story ends.
Gratitude for the Journey, Not Just the Destination
Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending that everything is wonderful.
It doesn’t mean we should be thankful for every disappointment or find a silver lining in every difficult experience.
Sometimes, things simply hurt. Sometimes we feel lonely. Sometimes we wish our efforts had produced a different result.
We can acknowledge those feelings while still looking for what is valuable in our lives.
For me, gratitude means recognizing that even when a particular experience doesn’t work out, there are still things I can appreciate.
I can appreciate the excitement that inspired me to try Gratitude Tag.
I can appreciate the courage it took to put the idea out into the world.
I can appreciate the opportunity to learn more about what I want from connection and community.
I can appreciate the daily gratitude practice I will continue through the end of November, even though I am letting go of the additional activity.
I can appreciate the lessons I’m learning as I work to bring Mindful Healing to life.
And I can appreciate that I’m responding to these challenges differently than I might have in the past.
That last one matters to me.
Growth isn’t always a dramatic transformation that other people can see. Sometimes it is a quiet shift in how we respond to ourselves and our circumstances.
It is the moment we stop turning a setback into a judgment of our worth.
It is the willingness to ask for help instead of insisting we should be able to do everything alone.
It is the ability to change our plans without believing we’ve abandoned our purpose.
It is recognizing that we can be a work in progress and still be worthy of kindness, connection, and new possibilities.
And sometimes, growth is simply giving ourselves permission to say, “That didn’t work the way I hoped. What can I learn from it?”
Your Possibility Ponder Point
Take a moment to think about something in your own life that hasn’t worked out the way you expected.
Perhaps it was a project, a relationship, a goal, a new habit, or an attempt to connect with others.
You don’t have to rush to find a positive lesson in it. Start by acknowledging what the experience meant to you.
Then consider these questions:
- What did I hope would happen? Give yourself permission to recognize the hopes and expectations you brought to the experience.
- What actually happened? Can you separate the facts from the conclusions you may have drawn about yourself?
- What have I learned? Is there something you understand now that you didn’t understand before?
- What is still possible? Could you adjust your approach, ask for help, explore another option, or pursue the same goal in a different way?
- What can I appreciate today? Even if the outcome was disappointing, is there something about your effort, your growth, or your life that deserves recognition?
- Who am I becoming? How do you want to respond to this experience in a way that reflects your values and the person you are working to become?
You don’t need to have all the answers.
Sometimes the first step forward is simply being willing to ask a different question.
Keep Becoming
As I move forward, I will continue sharing my daily gratitude posts through the end of November. Gratitude remains important to me, and I want to continue encouraging others to pause and recognize the good in their lives.
Gratitude Tag, however, will not continue in its current form.
I’m choosing to accept what I’ve learned and make room for other possibilities.
I’m also acknowledging something important about myself: I value connection. I want to keep finding ways to build relationships, share experiences, and be part of a community. That desire isn’t something I need to dismiss or feel embarrassed about. It is part of being human.
I may not have all the connection I want in this season of life, but I can remain open to opportunities to build it.
I may not have every project working as planned, but I can continue learning and exploring new approaches.
I may not know what the next chapter will look like, but I can keep taking steps toward the things that matter to me.
And I can do all of this with gratitude for where I am, honesty about what I feel, and hope for what is still possible.
Because the goal isn’t to get everything right the first time.
The goal is to keep learning, growing, and becoming.
A setback is an experience, not an identity. A change of direction is not the same as giving up. And this chapter, however it looks today, is not the end of your story.
So here’s to trying, learning, adjusting, connecting, and continuing to become who we are meant to be.
One experience at a time. One possibility at a time.
And one day at a time.
— Beyond Possibilities
References
Dweck, C. S., & Yeager, D. S. (2019). Mindsets: A view from two eras. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 14(3), 481–496. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691618804166
Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.005
