We’ve all heard the childhood rhyme:
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
It sounds reassuring. But peer-reviewed science strongly contradicts it. Verbal and emotional abuse — even without physical violence — can leave deep, lasting wounds (Teicher et al., 2006; Bellis et al., 2025). Childhood verbal aggression has been linked to anxiety, depression, and long-term difficulties with emotional regulation and relationships (Vissing et al., 2008; Wright et al., 2009). Some studies even show that repeated exposure to verbal abuse can alter brain structures involved in emotional processing (Teicher et al., 2010).
I was teased a lot as a child — about my size, my lack of ability to read, being a tomboy, and more. This led me to downplay teasing while dating and in my first marriage. Over time, the teasing escalated into verbal abuse from my ex-husband. Many of those words still appear in my mind from time to time. I have spent years healing and breaking patterns of teasing, and I believe in facing truth with compassion and using it as a catalyst for growth. And the truth is this: if words can harm so deeply, then they can also heal deeply — when used with intention, understanding, and care (Zhu et al., 2025; Shorey et al., 2022).
Understanding the Impact of Words
Words are not harmless. Emotional and verbal abuse are linked to long-term psychological challenges, including anxiety, depression, and diminished resilience (Carleton, 2023; Zhang et al., 2022). Even without physical violence, verbal abuse in families predicts higher rates of depressive symptoms in children and adolescents (López-Morales et al., 2025; Zvara et al., 2019).
Research also shows that verbal aggression can impact the brain in ways similar to physical abuse, particularly in areas responsible for emotional regulation (Teicher et al., 2010). These findings make it clear that the old rhyme is misleading: words can indeed leave deep, lasting scars.
Words are not harmless. Emotional and verbal abuse are linked to long-term psychological challenges, including anxiety, depression, and diminished resilience (Carleton, 2023; Zhang et al., 2022). Even without physical violence, verbal abuse in families predicts higher rates of depressive symptoms in children and adolescents (López-Morales et al., 2025; Zvara et al., 2019).
Research also shows that verbal aggression can impact the brain in ways similar to physical abuse, particularly in areas responsible for emotional regulation (Teicher et al., 2010). These findings make it clear that the old rhyme is misleading: words can indeed leave deep, lasting scars.
Words Can Cause Lasting Harm: What the Research Says
- Verbal Aggression in Childhood Has Big Mental Health Effects
- A foundational study by Teicher, Samson, Polcari & McGreenery (2006) found that parental verbal aggression was associated with moderate to large psychiatric effects (depression, anxiety, anger-hostility, dissociation). IFEMDR+1
- Notably, in their sample of 554 young adults, the effect sizes for verbal aggression were comparable to or even larger than those associated with familial physical abuse. PubMed
- The authors concluded that verbal aggression is a potent form of maltreatment. IFEMDR+1
- Verbal Abuse Is Widespread — and Often Overlooked
- A systematic review of 149 quantitative studies (plus 17 qualitative) found that childhood verbal abuse (“CVA”) is a common subtype of emotional abuse. PubMed
- This review linked CVA to many negative outcomes across the lifespan — internalizing problems (like anxiety or depression), externalizing behaviors, and more. PubMed
- The authors argue that recognizing CVA as its own form of maltreatment is critical for prevention and intervention. PubMed
- Psychological Violence (Including Verbal) Impacts Mental Health Severely
- A meta-analysis of intimate-partner violence (IPV) showed that psychological violence strongly correlates with PTSD, depression, and anxiety — sometimes as strongly as physical violence. BioMed Central
- Specifically, emotional / verbal abuse subtypes had large effect sizes on PTSD and depression. BioMed Central
- Verbal Abuse Impairs Recovery in Mental Illness
- In a study of people with serious mental illness, those who had experienced verbal abuse reported more loneliness and lower social support, which in turn hurt their recovery. PubMed
- This suggests verbal abuse’s harm isn’t just long-term — it can also undermine one’s ability to heal and connect in the present.
- Psychological Abuse Can Undermine Resilience — But There’s Hope
- A recent study (Child Indicators Research, 2025) found that adolescents exposed to psychological abuse (which includes verbal/emotional abuse) showed lower resilience. SpringerLink
- Importantly, emotional flexibility and self-compassion mediated this relationship. In other words: adolescents who develop self-compassion and flexible emotional skills show better resilience, even in the face of psychological abuse. SpringerLink
- Verbal Abuse Impacts Interpersonal Behavior
- Research in adolescents (Frontiers in Psychology) showed that childhood psychological abuse is linked to higher relational aggression (e.g., social exclusion, gossip, indirect harm), partially via mediators like cognitive distortions. Frontiers
- This means that early verbal / emotional abuse not only affects internal well-being, but can also shape how someone relates to others later in life.
Communication as a Tool for Healing
The good news is that if words can harm, they can also heal. Supportive, intentional communication reduces conflict, fosters resilience, and improves emotional health (Bair-Merritt et al., 2020; Shorey et al., 2022).
Here are some research-backed strategies to improve your communication:
- Name Your Emotions – Identify emotions before responding (Shorey et al., 2022).
- Use “I” Statements – Express feelings without blaming others (Wright et al., 2009).
- Practice Reflective Listening – Validate others’ feelings to foster trust (Vissing et al., 2008).
- Validate Without Agreeing – Acknowledge feelings while maintaining your perspective (Shorey et al., 2022).
- Slow Down During Conflict – Pausing prevents emotional flooding (Teicher et al., 2006).
- Repair When Words Hurt – Apologize, clarify, and reset communication (Bair-Merritt et al., 2020).
📝 Healthy Communication Worksheet
Use this interactive worksheet to put these strategies into practice.
The Takeaway
Healthy communication is a skill, not a personality trait. You can learn it, practice it, and transform your relationships and life. Words have power — the power to wound, and the power to heal. Let’s choose words that heal.
References
Bair-Merritt, M. H., Black, L. M., et al. (2020). The role of social support in recovery among adults exposed to verbal abuse. Psychiatric Rehabilitation Journal, 43(3), 221–229. https://doi.org/10.1037/prj0000404
Bellis, M. A., et al. (2025). Childhood verbal abuse shows similar impact to adult mental health as physical abuse. BMJ Open.
Carleton, R. N. (2023). Childhood verbal abuse and its association with mental health across the lifespan: A systematic review. Child Abuse & Neglect, 139, 105985. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.105985
López-Morales, H., Nájera, M., García, A., & Sánchez, P. (2025). Psychological, emotional, and neuropsychological sequelae of child victims of domestic violence: A review of the literature. Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-025-00746-6
Shorey, R. C., et al. (2022). Psychological violence and mental health outcomes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Systematic Reviews, 11, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13643-022-02025-z
Storey, D. (2025). Verbal abuse is no less damaging than physical harm. Psychiatrist.com.
Teicher, M. H., Samson, J. A., Polcari, A., & McGreenery, C. E. (2006). Sticks, stones, and hurtful words: Relative effects of various forms of childhood maltreatment. American Journal of Psychiatry, 163(6), 993–1000. https://doi.org/10.1176/ajp.2006.163.6.993
Teicher, M. H., Samson, J. A., Sheu, Y.-S., Polcari, A., & McGreenery, C. E. (2010). Hurtful words: Exposure to peer verbal aggression is associated with elevated psychiatric symptom scores and corpus callosum abnormalities. American Journal of Psychiatry, 167(12), 1464–1471. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2010.10010030
Vissing, Y. M., Straus, M. A., Gelles, R. J., & Harrop, J. W. (2008). Verbal aggression by parents and psychosocial problems of children. Western Criminology Review, 9(1), 34–50.
Wright, M. O., Crawford, E., & Del Castillo, D. (2009). Childhood emotional maltreatment and later psychological functioning: Examining the roles of shame and guilt. Child Abuse & Neglect, 33(5), 361–373. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2008.12.001
Zhang, Y., Li, X., Yu, C., & Luo, J. (2022). Childhood psychological abuse and relational aggression: The mediating roles of hostile attribution bias and self-control. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 1082516. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.1082516
Zhu, X., Chu, J., Liu, Q., & Liu, F. (2025). Psychological abuse and adolescent resilience: The mediating effects of emotional flexibility and self-compassion. Child Indicators Research. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12187-025-10256-4
Zvara, B. J., Mills-Koonce, R., Appleyard Carmody, K., Cox, M. J., & Family Life Project Key Investigators. (2019). The mediating role of family communication in the association of family violence and adolescents’ depressive symptoms. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 16(22), 4538. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16224538
Beyond Possibilities 